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ex bf already flirting
16. we broke up a month ago and went out for a year and a half. he posted a question on here a few days ago about how to flirt with girls at his work. and of course i was reading thru advicenators and i found it. i am beyond upset. i knew the question was either asked by him or his brother, but it's too good of grammar to be his brother (i don't know this for sure though.)
the worst part is that he's saying he didn't ask the question. i don't know if i should believe him or not, because the grammar really is too good to be his brother. that's not my problem. my problem is that he's already flirting with girls after a month and it really hurts. on top of all of that, he's practically ignoring me. i still love him very much, in every way, but i really wish we could still be best friends. i know i can't control his mind though. my question is: should i let him be the one to initiate conversation? should he have to start working to keep the friendship together? i've tried "ignoring" him but everytime he gets online i end up IM-ing him. i just need some really good advice on if i should let him take the lead. and don't just tell me to, try to convince me. like i said earlier, i've already tried, but it's too hard.
it's so crushing to know he doesn't want anything to do with me... i need advice on how to keep myself sane as well. i really love him, i would never get back together with him, but i just want to be friends. i want him still to im me and go do fun stuff with me as a friend. we went from very best friends to nothing when he broke up with me. advice on how to handle this situation with him, and how to handle my heartbreak?
thank you.
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You broke up hun, and even though it might not be pleasant for you to know or read about he is perfectly free to go flirt with other people.
I know you really wish you could still be best friends, but you can't be. The truth is you weren't best friends. You were in a relationship and that is very, very different.
Why would you want to force and work to keep this 'friendship' together? You wouldn't force yourself to be friends with anyone else, why force yourself to be friends with your ex? Especially if you find his flirting disgusting and you believe he is lying to you. That wouldn't be the kind of person I really want to be friends with.
I know you are hurt, but you really can't be friends if you are going to be this upset about even the idea of him flirting. Friends just don't feel that strongly about each other. You do. So, by definition, he isn’t a friend. He is an ex.
Avoid him. Ignore him. Give yourself some real distance. Heartache is a process and one that takes time and space. Focus on your other friends. Be your own friend. Take care of yourself and find other people and activities to do. DON’T put your energy into a friendship that doesn’t even really exist. Maybe someday you will be able to be his friend again, but that day is not today, so let it go.
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He's your ex boyfriend for a reason, and as rude as this sounds, you have no real right to be upset about that. You aren't dating anymore and he isn't under your control. He can do as he pleases.
I suggest, for now, just letting him come to you. You've tried talking to him and he just rejects you. What's the point of putting yourself through that? It's unnecessary pain and it just isn't worth it.
Remember, he does not have to be friends with you if he doesn't want to be. You can't make him be your friend. Really, all you can do is stay patient and hope that maybe you can still be friends. But at this moment, bothering him about it isn't going to get you anywhere.
I don't mean to sound rude, I mean to help you realize that somethings are not under your control, and you just have to be patient with people and let them decide what they want. If he wants to be your friend, he will approach you.
For now, here's ideas of how to not think about him:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
That will help for a bit.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
From there:
1. Invite some friends over, and watch some chick flicks. Get fun and upbeat movies like "John Tucker Must Die"
2. Get some money, and get a new haircut that is fun and flirty, and invest in some new makeup! If you usually wear red, try coral!
3. Grab a good book, and some jelly beans (any candy/food works) and just get lost in the book
4. Spend a day with other single friends and spend the night rating cute (single) guys! Find a new crush! You never know!
5. Open your mind and realize that if he deserved you, he would be with you.
6. Throw a party.
7. Call your friends and have a good laugh!
8. Shop! Splurge!
9. Write down every single thing that annoyed you about him. Then read it and realize he is not only not perfect, but also not perfect for you.
10. Exercise! Work it, girlfriend! Over the weekend work out, eat great and when the weekend's over, he's going to take one look and say "Boy, she does look good."
11. Grab a bottle of soda, a cute cup, and a friend go one for one saluting all the good things in life.
12. Listen to funky music!
13. If you delete him from your buddylist, phonebook, and everything else. Completely stop messaging - texting - calling - IMing - spending time - with him all together and you will get over him. Trust me.
14. The more time you spend thinking about him, the harder it will be to get over him.
15. Remind yourself that he's just another guy.
16. If he flirts with you, then ignore him. He's like a mosquito; you have to swat him.
17. And if he's rude to you, you be rude to him.
18. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him...including his phone number
* You can always just cry and get it all out of your system so you don't have to worry about it.
* Remember that there are millions of other guys out there.
* Don't be mad at yourself if a guy ever turns you down. There always is a reason for something happening. You might never figure it out though.
* Accept that you're still attracted to that guy, but try to become interested in other guys.
* Chocolate is good, but don't overdo it.
* You have to try to stay optimistic.
* Try to avoid spending time with him if possible. It's harder to get over someone you're always thinking about.
* Know that there is someone perfect out there for you, not a jerk that broke your heart.
* Write a letter to him explaining how you feel but do not send it.
* Delete his number from your phone to avoid texting and calling him.
* Don't be fooled by his charm when you bump into him
* Get a pet. Play with it, take care of it. It's a much better replacement than dating another guy you don't really like.
* Start introducing yourself to other guys....then get their number and call and talk to them.....that's what my sister did and she fell in love with someone else.:)
* go out parting with friends.. TO AVOID SEEING HIM.. that doesn't mean go out to the same party you know hes going to be at.
* Secretly put your friend's favorite candy in their pocket and watch them wonder how it got there. If you focus your energy outwards to make someone happy, you'll forget all about ol' whatshisname!
* EXERCISE! it really helps. and leaves you feeling re- charged and gives you time to think and stuff :D
* Start looking extra hot so you get attention from other guys. It gives you confidence and it might help earn you someone else.
* If he starts being charming, think of it as a cheap way of comming on to you. That way he'll seem stupid and desprate. (the more turn offs the better.)
There you go =].
--Jack
(16/m)
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The only thing you can do is talk to him about it. It's perfectly legitimate that you still want to have a relationship with him (romantic or not) since you were so close before. You obviously have a history with him, and you want things with him and you to continue. This is nothing to be embarassed of. Tell him that you miss him.
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