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i dont know what to do
i have been dating this guy, Jay, for about 3 months now. im not really counting, but anyways...
before we started going out? i was having second thoughts about the whole thing because he did something with another girl. i dont know the whole story. his mom grabbed me aside one night and told me what he told her, but none of it made sense. i have a lot of questions about it but i dont want to ask him because its a very sensitive subject for him. (he was basically raped...and then for some reason the chick told everyone that he raped her. i know, its awful) well, at least by what his mom said, he was kinda raped. he only told me they had sex. i havent talked to girlie girl yet cuz i never talk to her. but. ok, im getting confused....
i know i should just kind of get over this and move on? but its all i ever think about anymore. its giving me nightmares and i keep picturing what it might have been like in my head and i want it to STOP but it wont! i just have to know! its one of those things...but can someone either tell me HOW to get over it or how i can ask him without...i dunno...making him CRY???? (i asked him before and he was close to tears)
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he obviously feels guilty about whatever happened. often rape victims will blame themselves for what happened, but you also need to be open to the idea that he is just ashamed of what he did consensually.
If you cannot forget about what happened, then it is not fair to yourself or to him if you do not try to resolve it. if it bothers you that much (which it obviously does if you are dreaming about it) you need to tell him that you are feeling uneasy about the whole situation. don't feel bad about trying to communicate with him. after three months you should be able to talk about this stuff. try, "i want to talk to you about something that's bee bothering me.. i need to know what happened that night. i know it's hard for you but it's hard for me now too and this is something i need to know if we're going to make this work"
if this does not help, or does not go very smoothly, you need to decide if it is worth the stress. you need to forget about it or forget about him, because you will never let yourself or him be happy if you cannot let it go.
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LOL!!!! Okay, first of all I have to say that I highly doubt he had kinda had sex with that girl against his will, and that he raped that girl because she sounds like she talks out of her a**. Don't listen to what his mom says, because what he actually might be twisted around so her little version suits her more.
You should confront her, but don't be all I'm going to kick your ass, or you'll never get the air cleared.
After everything is sorted through, just move on. And those so called are most likely fake, so I would just tell him to suck it up and quit whining.
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