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ex boyfriend wants me back..but no idea what to do.
Ok well here's the deal. I was with a guy for around like 7 months. Then we broke up, and went on a month break, but we never really stopped caring about each other. I broke up with him because he was really disrespectful and basically took me for advantage. He didn't know what he had at all. Then we got back together because he wanted me back, and i still really cared about him. We went back out for about 1 1/2 months then i broke up with him agian. He totally acted like he didn't care at all...again, and so i wasn't going to put up with that. He even asked me to go over to his exgirlfriends house. This exgirlfriend is easy, and hooked up with him before we started going out. I said i wouldn't like it if he went. He reluctently said ok, but then after that things only even worse. He was a total jerk and stood me up.
I know that i may be making him sound bad right now, but this is all the pain he's caused me. And i mean you know, easy right, if someone causes you pain you don't go back to them. I guess its just that i want to believe he'll change. And for the most part he is changing. Like he is trying harder but maybe its because he knows he can't control me anymore. I don't know. And to make matters worse he is pressuring me to go back out with him when i don't know what i want.
Next problem. I've kinda had another guy stick around for me through all this. He's been there for me through everything, and helped me out all the times i was miserable from my boyfriend (ex now). I really want to give him a chance but i'm scared he'll hurt me like my ex-boyfriend did. Also i can't quite let go of my ex-boyfriend. I want to be with him, but i know it's bad for me. Also, this new guy is kinda pushing me to go out with him too, and i really don't know if i can do that. I mean i feel bad because they both want to go out with me, but i don't know how to say no, so i feel like im leading them on when i just don't want to hurt their feelings.
What should I do in your opinion?
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This seems like a no-brainer. Your ex obviously makes you miserable. You've given him second chances. Don't take him back unless you have overwhelming, undeniable proof that he's changed.
As for this new guy, if he hasn't done anything to hurt you yet, there's no reason for you to think that he'll turn out to be just like your ex. That doesn't mean you have to say yes to him--Enter a relationship when you're good and ready.
The best way to say no is just to say it, and explain why. Sugar-coating things never helps, and leaving your situation ambiguous makes it seem like you're playing hard to get.
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ok, just bear with me. i am not cassie, who is the one you actually are asking for help. my name is james, and i am cassie's fiance. i was looking over this site because she said how she felt proud of everything she does for others. but then i saw your question, and trust me, i know a lot about this subject. before i calmed down, and found the girl of my dreams, i was exactly like your ex. from how you describe your ex, he is attempting to play both sides of the field. he wants you for the simple fact that he feels that no one should be able to have you, but he feels that he should be allowed to do what ever he wants, like go over to his easy ex's house. the way i used to be, i would have three or four women that i was having relations with, and going out with the one i knew would give in to my demands. it is very good that you are believing in yourself and not putting up with his shit, i am now a firm believer in the power of will. you should never be in a relationship that the other person is neglectful or emotionally harmful. it is best that you stand strong, and believe in what you know in your heart. he is not the one to be with. i know feelings are a bitch, but trust me, it is better not to repeat old mistakes. my father always said "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." and i think that is a perfect motto for this situation. if you know it wont turn out well, dont let him sway you.
as for the friend, all i can say is follow your heart and mind. if you think he is like your ex and will hurt you, then tell him no. but if you know he is a good person, and if he has been there for you in a kind and understanding way, maybe he is a good person to be with. true, pushy guys probably suck (personally, i have never had to deal with them. lol) but maybe he sees the way that your ex treated you, and is trying to help you in his own way. i dont know him, but if he has been nothing but supportive, i doubt he is like your ex. but then again, i am just the one giving advice, you are the only one who knows what is best for you. i hope that you make the best choices you can, love with all your heart, and find the light in the darkest of situations.
best of wishes,
james
ps. sorry about me answering your questions instead of cassie. i hope that i was helpful.
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