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getting over the past
i've always had this really bad habit of thriving over the past. and i've been going through a really long period of depression. sometimes i'd get happy, but only for a few hours at a time. then i'd rememeber something and go back to being upset. i've started several other bad habits to get stress out of my way: drinking, smoking, cutting, etc. im not saying i wanna quit any of these new habits, but i wanna learn to get over the past. i wanna move on. because im tearing up my relationship with my boyfriend, M.
see, before we started going out, back when he and i just liked eachother, we were really close friends. id go over to his house, like, once a week or something and he, my friend, B, and his other friend, A, would all watch a movie or two. i was the only girl in this, so keep that in mind. anyways, well M had been trying to ask me out for a while. and i'd always say no because i didnt wanna mess up our friendship. then as soon as i was about to go out with him, B said that he did something really bad. and he wouldnt tell me what it was because he promised M he wouldnt. but i still wanted to know! so i kept pushing him and pushing him and finally he told me. but he made me swear not to tell M.
at first i thought he was lying because B and i used to go out then he dumped me. and then he started liking me again. so for a while there i was torn between he and M. and he also said he wouldnt like it if me and M went out.
but then about a week after that i told M that i needed to ask him if it really happened, and at first he made it sound like B had lied. but then he told me it really DID happen, i just wasnt supposed to know. course that made me feel like shit. but i got really depressed after that...and i still am. and this happened about 3 or 4 months ago!
can someone give me some advice on how to get over this? whenever i go to M's house, everything over there reminds me of the past and then i get a mixture of mad and sad and it wont go away! he keeps asking me if im ok and i keep having to lie because i dont wanna sound like im obsessed about this, but i am. how do i just get over it and move on?????? *sorry this is so long...but it was a long story. and advice is appreciated.*
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First I want to tell you that you can't solve these problems by hurting yourself. Your only substituting one type of pain for another. I've been down some of those roads, their dead ends. Sometimes their the end all together. I know it's not easy, nothing worth while ever is, but you need to try and stop doing them. You just might like life a little better without them.
Secondly, moving on is always difficult. It's human nature to try and hide our problems. It's just easier to say, I'll deal with it tomorrow. All your really doing is worrying about it today. We fear change, and that's what solving a problem brings about.
I don't what it is that your boyfriend did, but you have to find a way to forgive him. If you don't there is no future there.
The way to do that is to talk to him. Don't yell, don't accuse, and don't judge. Calmly tell him how you feel. More importantly listen to him. You need to hear it, and try to understand it. That's the only way you'll ever be able to figive him.
And more importantly give it time, no problem can be soved overnight. Take it a step at a time.
Remember forgiveness is the only road to the future, so start there, and before you know tomorrow will come.
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maybe you need to take some time away from 'm's house and be alone. i know you said you don't want to stop drinking, smoking, and cutting, but it doesn't take the pain away. it just makes you feel in control. well you can be in control by doing healthier things. like running. it really clears your head, and gives you time to reflect. also, you aren't going to forget the past until you are truly ready to. subconciously it seems like you aren't, or your brain would let you.
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