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i love my boyfriend but have feelings for another guy


Question Posted Sunday April 20 2008, 6:11 pm

Hi-
I'm 21 and I've been in a relationship for about three and a half years. My boyfriend and I met my freshman year of college, starting out as very good friends, and then we started dating and developed a relationship. We both have changed a lot during the last few years and have gone through periods of fighting but have been able to still make our relationship work. We are very much in love and have always been devoted to each other. I have a problem, though. I never ever thought this would happen to me..I never understood how someone could develop feelings for another guy/girl while in a relationship. but here is my dilemma. Theres a guy who has become one of my closest friends and I've discovered that I have feelings for him that go beyond friendship. I first began to feel this way several months ago, but I eventually got past the feelings for the most part. More recently, the feelings have come back stronger than ever. I have dreams about he and I being together and think about him all the time. I'll even feel jealous when he sees another girl(and usually I am not a jealous person about anything!) He is also a good friend of my boyfriend, which makes the situation even worse. Strangely, I still feel in love with my boyfriend. I really do love him very much. I feel like a horrible girlfriend and a horrible person in general that I'm feeling this way. I have no idea what to do. I'd really appreciate advice from you because I feel that I can't even talk to my best friends about this because they know and love the guy I've been dating for so long. I want to be with my boyfriend but I don't think its fair or right for me to be having these feelings about someone else...I just want these feelings to go away but they won't! please, i'd really appreciate any advice you could give. i know this is a really difficult situation but i really need help. thank you so much for your time and advice!
-confused girl


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russianspy1234 answered Monday April 21 2008, 1:20 am:
ok firstly, cheating is something you do with your hands, not with your eyes, and definitely not with your mind. it is perfectly normal to occasionally be attracted to, or even have actual romantic feelings for someone other than your significant other. do you really think that your boyfriend never looks at another girl? chances are he does, but its nothing serious, its just the way people are. you two have been together for over 3 years, so its obviously something really special. id say do nothing, and just wait for the feelings to fade. although, if it gets to the point where you feel that you love this other guy more than your boyfriend, then you might have to do something about it, because at that point, it would be unfair to your boyfriend.

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