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I'm having major problems with this guy I really like. When we're alone he acts like we're going out — we cuddle and the whole bit — but once we get to school, he pretty much ignores me. It's extremely confusing for me, because one minute he acts like he never wants to let me go and the next like he hardly knows me! My friends keep telling me that he and I are essentially going out, but that doesn't really help me. I mean, what's his deal?
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Frankly, we have always found this all-too-common male behavior just as weird and confusing as you do. Why are guys like this? It's annoying! If someone we like is standoffish when their friends are around, it makes us paranoid that they actually don't like us after all. Since this conduct is so alien to most of us females, we turned to our guy friend Wes for some insights into the male mind. Wes points out that, sadly, guys are confused and think that you can't be both nice and cool and macho, and that somehow being sweet to a girl when other guys are watching is going to make them look weak. The fact is that their buddies will tease them and give them grief for being nice to a girl. Mature? No. Pretty normal? Yes. I mean, guys joke around with each other about everything else, why not this? Here's the Wes test, though. When you and this dude are hanging out one on one, is he interested in doing stuff with you besides making out? Do you go see movies, or hit the skateboard park, or jam on your guitars? Does he call you and say hi, or check in with you via IM now and then? If you do hang out and spend time together, then what we have here is garden-variety annoying boy behavior. It is frustrating, but as you two hang out more, he'll chill a bit about being around you in front of the boys and things will work themselves out. After a little more time, you can even suggest that you meet up with him and his friends at a party and bring along some of your girlfriends to make it more of a group activity. That way he won't feel like he's got all his guy friends watching his every move. However, if all he ever wants is to hook up and leave, then his acting like a loser in front of his friends is a sign of a larger problem, which is that he's not treating you the way you deserve, and you should send him packing.
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