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on skepticism: establishing grounds to ask him out
I know to many of you this may sound strange and perhaps disturbing. It did to me too when i first started college... but now -I'm almost done and starting my masters dissertations in summer- I'm beginning to ponder on the thought....
I am not the first one to actually be willing to go through with this. And though those who've done so far remain a fraction of a tiny percent compared to those who oppose it, there is considerably more than a hundred cases that I'v witness...
My university allows student/professor relationship granted that the student is not taking a course by that professor.
I'm kind of interested in one of my professors. He's a little bit older but he has the sexiest mind and the sweetest personality. I know he's not married... and I know he's straight. Obviously i know what his subject of interest is (and thank god it happens to be my area too)...
I wanted to try and establish grounds of interest between the two of us without becoming a nuisance-causing puppy with a crush...
thing is i am afraid after classes end I won't be seeing him much if at all. So I'd like to drop the hint before term is over and see what he thinks.
how do i go about without sounding foolish or absurd...any ideas?
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ADDITIONAL INFO: The only other way to keep you from coming back to this issue with him again next year is to think of him as TOXIC and damaging to your life, health, welfare and that your feelings for him will be toxic to you if you keep it up or act on them. Associate him with something extremely negative and it should be easier.
ORIGINAL:
To be blunt you probably aren't even on his radar screen. He knows the rule about dating students as well as you do. Even though you aren't currently his student him dating one will still reflect negatively on him with faculty and student population.
There's no way to discreetly date him without it being known. I think it would be a mistake to approach him at all. I know you don't want to hear that but it's reality as I see it. I have a feeling he will reject your advances, distance himself from you, and people will find out about it.
I think the reason you want to be with despite his qualities and attributes is the fact that he's this unobtainable type with an element of danger attached because of the rule. It's just a crush and it's okay to have one but it's not appropriate to act on it. In any other environment go for it but not at school. Too controversial and he likely won't risk it.
You should settle on friendship and a common interest in the same subject that does not extend outside of school. Although you said he was a little bit older that doesn't give me anything to go on in terms of age.
You have to be aware that the world of a 20-year-old versus that of a 30-year-old or 40-year-old is very different. You would be exposing yourself to a lot of things you might not be ready to experience so early in life with him.
Bottom line: What would mom and dad think about this? If you think they would be against it trust that instinct as a lot of people would be upset with you at school, outside of it etc. as they would with him rule or no rule over the fact you were a student at his school or former student. Best to keep this a crush and not act.
There's no way not to come across as a nuisance and puppy-dog to him if you approach him or act on this further. He's probably had to put several former students in their place about where he stands on this rule.
If you did approach him about it do it in a hypothetical question to guage what he thinks about students dating former profs. and the rule. You'll see if he's receptive and if he's not you can at least close the book on it with dignity intact.
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Since you two have the same areas of interest, go buy a book about that interest. For an example, I'm going to say he's a philosophy professor since you didn't really specify. Go buy a book or two from your favorite philosopher. Read it and ask his opinion on it one day. Ask him if he'd like to share ideas on the book over a cup of coffee or lunch. It can be casual and no pressure for conversation since you'll be talking about the book.
During the discussion, you could probably flirt with him, but do it in very subtle ways. Brush his arm, look directly in his eyes while he talks, flash him that 100-watt smile.
If you feel the conversation is going well, ask him how he got interested in his area of study. Share your experience with him. It's quite likely that your intelligence on the subject will impress him.
At the end, tell him you had a great time and you hope you can do it again soon. If he's interested, maybe he'll ask you out next time. The more you get to know each other, the more you'll be able to tell if he's interested.
Good luck!
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