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Abandonment Fears in Relationships
I'm only just beginning to realize that my father's rather sudden and traumatizing death, which I thought I had dealt with, is still hanging around my neck when it comes to relationships. I can make quick light of a lot of the men I meet, a sort of heightened intellectual resistance when I'm not all that interesting. But a few really get me going, really get me excited. Then of course I suffer all kinds of ridiculous anxiety about the distances between every phone call, every meeting, and often ignore red flags in my stubbornness to view everything positively (rooted in my everything-is-great, we're great longtime family dynamic). Of course, I do my best to hide these fears, but things with the new guys always collapse nonetheless.
Can you recommend any books or readings that might help me find some coping mechanisms for these fears of abandonment? I just read Debbie Magids' "All the Good Ones Aren't Taken" and I guess I'm a bit of a "Runaway Bride," though I'm also not. In fact, I usually hold onto people far too long (an abusive seven-year marriage, five years now defunct--I finally left; a three-year boyfriend I could never commit to. Both of these were men with great flaws but who I knew I could at least trust to never leave me, basically because of those same flaws.) Well, that's me in nutshell and feeling rather nutty. I'm just looking for some between-the-pages resources. Thanks!
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Here are some places for reading material in the subject you asked about:
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I hope these help some. Just remember, that everyday life happens and there is nothing you can do about it, however if you let it control you, you won't have the life you were meant to have and enjoy. Facing your fears head on will be the first step in getting rid of them. Good Luck!
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Update: Might I ask why you didn't find my advice any good? I figured that considering that I took the time to find you sites that offer help on abandonment issues, you would be grateful. I guess not. As long as you get help I guess that's all that matters.
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