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worried...
hi Razhie...i think you can help me...you are experienced, and seem like a person that gives good advice overall
so heres the problem:
yes i have an advicenators column, and so does my sister. I recently just found out that she has found a guy on this site (advicenators) that has a column too. I think she might like him...maybe, because she asked him a question..."if he had a screen name, and if he did, then what is it?" She does not know i know, and i am really worried that she will do something, or try to get to know him well. To be honest, i dont trust him, or anyone on a website for that matter. i cant tell her i know...she will kill me (not litterally) Please help me!!!!! I dont know what to do...
ps
she is 15, and so am i. and i no she would not drink, do drugs, or anything sexual(if that has ANYTHING to do with the question, or helpful to you personally in any way)
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Have a talk with her.
There really is nothing else you can do but sit around and worry about it. I'm not going to advise you to hover over her shoulder or spy on her and go through her files obviously... so unless you are willing to sit around and just hope she brings this up, you are going to have to bite the bullet and say "Look, I saw this and it was totally wrong of me. I'm not going to do it agian (you better mean this part) but what I saw worried me. Would you please talk to me about it?"
Giving her a chance to confide in you what her feelings are first, rather then jumping into an online safetly lecture will probably make it more positive.
Now, if you can get that far without her screaming and storming out (and I think if you stay calm and say something very close to that you will) you can tell her how you feel about it. Do this part as simply and as straightforward as you can: Practice in advance and keep it down to as few as words as possible. That makes your message clear and understandable and doesn't leave as much to argue with. If you can keep your concerns down to five setences, you are doing well.
As a guide, I suppose, here would be my five sentences if I were in your shoes:
"There are a lot of people online and some you can trust but a lot you can't so when I see you reach out to some stranger online it makes me afriad. I know you are smart and have good values, but we all make mistakes, and if you ever make one I only want to know so that I can help you. I don't want to control who you talk too, I just want you to know that this worries me and I don't think it's a very safe thing to do. I know you might be angry with me now, but I'm being really honest with you and I hope you'll be honest with me even though I screwed up, so that we can always take care of eachother."
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