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My boyfriend keeps going back and forth between me and someo
So, here it is. In black and white. I have been seeing this guy for 10 yrs. I love him and he was my first everything. When we met he was getting a divorce and she knew about me and everything but since he has waffled and continues to go back and forth. He now lives with her and they have two children together. He spends all of his free time with me but recently I have found myself getting depressed and tired of the way things are. I asked him to please make good on his promise to me and he says he will but he can not say when. I know he loves me but he asks so much of me and I ask so little of him. He wants me to not wear makeup or have my cell phone and I have not gotten my license b/c he likes me needing him. I am 27 by the way. What do I do? I broke up with him a week ago but he started crying and has been treating me really well and he had been taking me for granted for so long but I am afraid he will go back to the same ole' same ole'. I have never had any self esteem and I am fighting him to wear makeup b/c it makes me feel a little better about myself but he does not see that. Advice please.
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Wow. Sounds like you're in a pretty tough spot. Your first everything, no matter who it is, always occupies a major place in your mind and heart. Sometimes that place can become too important and cause you to maintain something that should be allowed to fade away. (I had that experience with a woman many years ago. I was her first, and because of that we were more devoted to each other than we should have been. We should have broken up years before we finally did.)
You say you've been dating this guy since you were 17, and that he was married then. Am I right in saying that he's older than you? From where I'm sitting, it seems that you're outgrowing him. What you wanted at 17 is not what you want at 27, and what you want he can't seem to provide.
You, however, are providing everything that he wants. He's got a good thing going: a wife and kids on the one hand, and a play toy on the other. You say that he likes for you to need him, and that he doesn't want you to wear makeup or have a cell phone or drive. It sounds to me that he's trying to control you and keep you as dependent as possible. If you start valuing yourself and developing a life away from him, you'll figure out that he's not that great a catch. And he's not, really.
Think about it this way: let's say he leaves his wife and takes up with you. Who's to say he won't drop you just as soon as a younger model comes along? He made promises to his wife that he won't keep, and it's a safe bet that he won't keep his promises to you.
So here comes the advice: you can do better than this. You deserve better than this. You deserve to look as good as you want, to have a cell phone and a driver's license and a man who will treat you with all the respect you deserve. So get yourself some makeup, study for the license exam, and find a cellphone contract you can handle. Then dump him. Make it as surgical as possible: no calls, no letters, no e-mail, no contact whatsoever. If he cries, give him a Kleenex and send him home to his wife. (Believe me, you don't need a crybaby.)
His happiness is not your responsibility, and he has no right to play games with your head. You do not have to convince him of anything, you do not have to answer to him, you owe him nothing. The only person you have to answer to is yourself. You deserve to feel good about yourself, you deserve dignity and beauty and independence.
Good luck, and I hope this helps.
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