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A bit detailed, sorry
Alright.
This is long. Its complicated. But Ive seen your advice and I need an answer I probably wont get in the general area.
I'll start from something of the beginning.
I have an ex issue. I'm in my 20s, shes in her teens. In may, she moved in with me. Things were strained a little then, as we'd been working together to keep me in a house. When she moved in, things were good for about a month or two, and started to go downhill.
Problem 1: I wasnt working much. Personal issues abound, and I was pretty worthless for quite a long while. She had her own motivation issues, and so moving in she moved out of her parents house and into mine (terrible idea, I know) after being with me for 2 and a half years. She was stressed about rent, bills, and about neither of us having the motivation to work a whole lot.
I think that this stress put intense strain on our relationship, because she wasnt happy away from her family, and that made her unhappy in general, and that made her "unhappy in our relationship"
Problem 2: I have some anger issues. I wasnt violent towards her, but sometimes she would piss me off, and I would yell, or just go quiet and be pissed for a while, or walk out of the room to cool off. My reactions made her feel like she couldnt talk to me, and communication died between us. Ive improved alot, and towards the end it went from me being angry to her being angry, and she became somewhat verbally abusive towards the end.
Problem 3: She cheated on me. I cant give you exact circumstances, but basically she had an unrequited crush from when she was younger, found out he liked her, and she slept with him. I know her intimately well, and can say that she did that only because of the specific circumstances. But never the less, she did cheat.
We've been broken up for 3 months. We didnt talk for one and a half. We started talking again this week. Conversation has flowed pretty well. Shes even admitted that part of her wishes she had given me another chance.
I am still in love with her. I dont think that I will ever hit a point where I am not in love with her, and I dont think that I will ever hit a point where I am so in love with someone else that I would not leave them in a heartbeat to be with her.
At 23, I know thats probably incredibly stupid and immature of me, but thats where I am. I'm a stupid idealistic fool who believes that something like true love exists. I decided that I wanted her, and only her, for the rest of my life. I cant undo that decision. And to be honest, I cant think of any lengths she could and would go to that would change that.
I want her back. She needs to grow up before thats possible, and I need to get a better handle on myself. But I dont think its healthy for me to still want to be with her. I dont know that we're good for each other. I know that my heart doesnt give a damn about either, it just wants her.
Desperately.
I guess I'm looking for good general advice. Ive put so much time and energy into her... Almost three years I loved her. I taught her to love sex, I showed her what dedication meant, and I never wavered in regards to her. Not once.
I feel like if she and I had both been a few years older when we started dating, we would have done just fine.
Maybe I need a kick in the ass. I just...
My problem right now is that my life is not together. Its as good as its going to get for the moment. She isnt in a place in her life where she can deal with me not being together.
I, on the other hand, can deal with her not being together. I know the core of her. The kindness, the smiles, the love... Its very much still there. And if she were able to be with me I would be willing to stick by her through her growing pains, through her changes, through anything and everything.
I dont know if I should let go. Or just stop talking to her, or bide my time and try again, or what. I talked to her tonight, and flat out told her that I would probably ask her for another chance someday. She didnt say anything about it. Shes the type of person who, if she didnt like the idea, she would head me off at the pass and say "no, thats not going to happen"
I just dont want to feel like shit anymore, and I have no idea which direction to pick that will lead me out of this.
Any thoughts?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Talking is a great start. Talk and be honest.
I don't see any reason why you can't work it
out if you both want to.
You need a good job. You both need to get
motivated to do things that will make your
life together, if that happens, the best it
can be. THAT needs to be your motivation.
Date. Don't move in together until you have
all your ducks in a row. Money issues is the
number one relationship killer. There will always be some issues, just don't make them overwhelming
while starting out.
Cheating is never a good thing but it is forgivable.
Just do your best to get it together so you can
BE together.
Let me know if there is anything more specific
you need help with. Best of luck to you and your
lady. :)
After feedback***
Ah. Well her living so far away would make dating a bit hard.
Are you in school? Do you think if you moved closer it would help the situation any?
Its a thought. Not something you want to do if there isn't a chance with her though. It is something you might want to talk about with her.
If you don't feel there is a chance with her, you
just need to get out there and date others. I know it will be hard and I know you don't think it would work, but it will. I know another who thought like you do that she will always be the only one. Not necessarily true at all.
But if you think there is a chance. Do work on it. :)
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