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I just don’t know what to do anymore
I just don’t know what to do anymore. My dad treats me as if I don’t exist half the time. He puts me in the middle of this huge double standard. He does everything for my brothers and leaves me to work everything out on my own. We retired early and we have no money. Every month at least two utilities get shut off and I have to pay most of the bill.
My mom is a wreck. She goes from being happy to wanting to kill herself. I can’t take it. If I do one little thing wrong she tells me that I don’t care about her and that she should just die. Then tells me I will miss her when she’s gone.
I’m so tired of acting like I’m okay. I’m not. My life is slowly falling apart. I fake happy everyday. Everyone I go to school with sees the happy me. I’m just so tired of putting on this show. It’s too hard. Between life at home, faking happy, school, and my friends I’m stretched too thin.
My family isn’t the only thing pulling me apart. People at school just don’t seem to acknowledge that I’m there. I’ve spent three and a half years with these people and most of them couldn’t tell me a thing a about me. I go out of my way to be nice and try to be perfect. I just don’t know what people want. I spent freshman through junior year putting on a fake me. No one liked that person so I tried being myself. Still no one likes me.
What have I done wrong to deserve such a minimal existence? I just can’t get away from it. I can’t move out on my own because I have no car and can’t find a job. I don’t think I have any friends that would take me and all my stuff in. I’m all out of options. So what now??? Someone please help me!!
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What I think you should do is tell your father how you feel. Tell him your sick of being left out of everything and that you feel like he doesn't love you as much as your brothers
Tell your mother she needs to stop thinking that way because you love her very much and you would be lost with out her. Tell her you couldn't even think about not having her around
And for the ppl at you school talk to people in your class..try to make some close friends that you'll have around if you need time away from your family. Socalize more at lunch or free time during class..
I'm sure you'll figure everything out..goodluck ..message me any time hunn
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First off let me start by saying you are very strong person, you seem to have a lot on your plate and you are doing your best to handle it. However, you are only in High School and too young to be dealing with some of the things going on around you. The 4 years you spend in High School should be the best years of your life, you are growing into the person you are going to be in the outside world and your still finding out who you are. You should be having the time of your life right now!!
As for the kids in school, you should not have to "fake" anything, nor should you have to pretend or try to be perfect, because no one is perfect. The people in your school should like you for who you are. I am sure people will like you if you just give them a chance to know the real you! You said you went through 3 years of being fake, now that your trying to be the real you, maybe the kids still dont know if this is the real you or not so they are a little unsure. If someone still doesn't like the real you, then find a different friend, not everyone in the world is going to like you and want to be your friend, and you need to realize thats ok. they dont have to, just like I'm sure there are people you may not choose to associate with in life or at school. For every 1 person that doesn't want to talk to you there is another person that does. Surround yourself by your true friends, the people who know the real you, the ones who know how tough things are right now and still stand by you! You will always find out that when things go wrong in life you find out who your true friends are...It's not about having a lot of friends but having good friends!
As for your family, your father should not be putting you in the middle of anything, and from what you said above about your mother I almost get the impression that maybe she puts on the guilt trip because she feels bad, Obviouly your parents can see how your life is being affected and they can see what you go through at school, maybe she feels guilty for how things are turning out for you. Have you ever tried sitting down with your parents and saying "look mom and dad, this is what you guys do to me, and this is how I feel about it"...If you dont tell them, how will they know? You have to give people the benefit of the doubt and give them a chance to change things. Let your father know it hurts you when he does for your brothers and not for you.
Lastly, Please don't ever feel that your existence is minimal, we were all put on this earth for a reason and you are a very speacial person, who maybe just needs to surround yourself with different people. Soon you can go to college and meet all new friends! You have to believe in yourself before anyone else will. Look within and know you are a good person, you attract what you feel. If you feel down and upset and not liked that is exactly what will happen to you. Once you start to think positive and feel better about yourself you will attract positive into your life...Please feel free to email me if you ever just need someone to talk to..I hope things work out for you.
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