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Was I a Joke to him?
I'm in 10th grade, 15/f & we'll call him Joe. Joe is in 11th grade, 16/m.
Background on Joe: He's very sweet,nice,caring, and a cheery person. 2 things that he does that note that he REALLY likes the girl are: talk about her a lot to everyone & leave a [(Name of girl) <3] on his away msg even if he is not going out with them.
Long story short: Joe told me that he really likes me a lot & he kissed me at homecoming that was on 10/6. I heard from random people that he really likes me and that he's been talking a whole freaking a lot about me, many times from my best friend who is also his best friend. My bff also told me that he wanted to ask me out but only if he knew I was going to say yes. I like him as well, but...
1) He was rushing to get everything done like kiss me although I told him not to as if we were going to die the next day or something.
2) He lives an hour away and goes to another school.
3) I'm not mentally able to handle a bf in a sense (I have depression)
4) I don't want to hurt him
Two days ago: I logged onto AIM, which I rarely get on. And I saw his away msg that said "(Something here) [SHK <3]" & right away I got the hint that he didn't like me anymore. And that night he IMed me and asked me if I was mad at him for kissing me at homecoming and if I didn't like him more than a friend. Well, I didn't want to say that I liked him for the reasons above + I didn't want him to get stuck in an iffy situation b.w two girls, esp. if one of the 2 girls is me. So I said "Specifically, I feel more comfortable with you as my friend." And he said "Good, b/c I like someone at your school." & I find out it's Sarah, a girl in 9th grade that he's been friends with for a while now. And he told me that they have hung out a lot and liked each other a lot & stuff. And me being the too nice person just said "Awww" and stuff like that to make sure he didn't feel guilty or anything about it.
Yesterday...I told my bff about it and she's like "Wait, what happen to Joe like you?" & I'm like "Exactly..." She doesn't know that I like Joe. No one does, really.
I'm kind of bummed out about this. I know that it's my fault for losing him when I had the chance. But after a while, it got me thinking: he was hanging out with Sarah a lot while he liked me, which meant that he and Sarah had feelings for each other while he said he liked me and kissed me. (Sarah knows that I went to homecoming with Joe and I think he told her that he kissed me in Spanish, knowing that I took Latin and couldn't understand Spanish) So now I can't help but wonder what the hell I was to him. Was I just some person he used to get Sarah jealous? Was I joke to him?
I'm feel more down than I usually am. What do you think Joe's feelings for me meant? Right now, I feeling used and feel like a joke to him.
Sorry it was uber long =x
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