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Handling of Relationship when Sexual Attraction is not prese
Alin,
I have (or maybe had) a relationship with a woman my age. I want a companion and friend - she wants a lover and maybe a husband. I am not gay. This is causing problems. I have tried being honest but it always comes out watered-down because I'm afraid of losing her or of hurting her feelings.
That's it in a nutshell.
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This is a really hard question to answer. It is always difficult when two people have different expectations from a relationship. To be honest I am not overly optimistic about how this situation will turn out.
If two people that once had a relationship decide to be friends, it may well work out. However, when one person has deeper feelings or is more attracted to the other, it often becomes really awkward.
That person will also have a much more difficult time overcoming those feelings than in a clean break. It often hinders the more vulnerable partner from moving on with their lives (or at least towards also achieving their goals, in this case finding a lover and husband).
Now, I am not saying that it is impossible, just that the odds are not very good. Whatever the risks, you really do need to come clean with this person. The truth is her feelings will very likely be hurt, but the longer you wait the worse it will be. Also the longer you wait, the more she might feel that she has been led on.
In the end, I think you know what my advice will be. You need to explain to her exactly what you are looking for. You should emphasise how much she means to you, and how much you value what you currently have. Then, in my opinion at least, you need to give her the time and space to move on. Once she has done so (you will have to judge that as time passes), then the two of you can resume your friendship.
One final word. Since I am in no way whatsoever a relationship expert I also urge you to run this by someone who might be more knowledgeable in this area than me.
I hope this works out for both of you. Good luck.
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