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what do u think? (sorry its long)
I never knew that I become bisexual I never thought of women in a sexual way before I meet my best friend Jane 7 years ago. It was a big shock to me that she is my only first crush I ever had in my life, yeah I had pervious boyfriends in high school but I used them to get over her, I didn’t like the fact I was doing that to them so I broke up with them. I only told my older sister and my friend Josh too. They are supportive to me and try to help me when I ask questions. I told Jane about how I felt about her in our senior year she didn’t say much but was shocked. After we graduated I was busy with work and junior college same with her too, we are good close friends and we hang out with each other and others too. I still like her and I was always reading her body language to see if she likes me back. What I read was mixed singulars she is a touchy person who leans on me some times.
Last year she told me some guy in her class was asking her out I sat and listen but inside I felt a bit jealous I ask her what she said to him and she said “no I am not ready for a relationship at the moment.” after that conversation the next day I was trying to recall that day I told how I felt about her, I was trying to remember what she said about it. But nothing Jane didn’t say anything about it So I was struggling to find out how I can talk to her I was tying to speak to her on the phone or face to face about it but I freaked out, I even wrote a letter to her about it but it she didn’t received it cause she didn’t respond. I wanted to ask her “why did you seem okay when I told you how I felt about you?”, A year past and my friend Josh told me to step up and ask her, but I still couldn’t tell her, so in May I ask her to go online the chat room to have a chat, and so she did, I told her everything of myself and how I didn’t like myself for who I am, and when I ask her “why did you seem okay when I told you how I felt about you?” she said “I am fine with it before I was shock but now I am fine not that I like you in that way cause I don’t know what gender I like but yeah I am fine with it” I was glad to hear her reply and I went on explaining myself to her, I was kind of relief of getting it off my chest.
In July I knew I had to move on but then I knew it will be hard for me to get over her cause I liked her for so long but I had to. We still hang out as good friends and with our other friends too.
On the 4th of July I went over to my sister’s house party, she told me that her room mate Tiffany was trying to hook me up with her brother Mike. I talk to him and played pool he is cute and nice but I didn’t feel any sparks between us nothing happen at all between us but it was nice of a friend to try to hook me up with someone it was funny and flattering. Next week I told Jane about it on online chat room Jane’s response was unbelievable. She replies “I don’t know if I should be happy or pissed” I reply “what?” Jane “I guess time will tell for the both of us” I reply “what?” Jane “what do you mean what?” she then said she had to go to bed and I said good night, she logged off. I couldn’t sleep that night and I ask myself “was she jealous?” I send her an email and ask her if she was jealous. I was pissed that day because now she was making me confused and was messing with my feelings. She wrote me back and said “I don’t think its right to force someone into a relationship (even if you to did not talk much.) I don’t no if that’s how you saw it or not, but that is what I saw when you told me about it. And I did feel jealousy yes, I felt the same when you were going out with your last two boyfriends.”
She explained that she might feel left out if I have a boyfriend and she is afraid that we won’t be close anymore.
I didn’t know what to say but I told her that I can’t respect myself and I am not ready for a relationship. Not with the same sex (I didn’t tell her that), I might be moving next year to a different state with my parents and she said she is not happy about that either, but I have no choice because I don’t have enough money to have my own place. I want to clear my head and to help myself to respect myself she said that “people tell me that moving away is not going to help. But if that’s what you think you got to do it then do it and let no one stop you it may let you unwind a little”. She is right about that but I have no choice, if I did I will stay.
I told her I didn’t like the fact how she might like me back because I didn’t want her to be mixed with my depression of not respecting myself. Jane didn’t say anything, but I was thinking she might just didn’t want to be the third wheel as I was going out with someone and pay addition to some guy than her. But I will never do that. I do want her and I know I will never forget about her either because I think of her everyday. Now today we are still talking and hang out too. I don’t know what to do now I want to be with her but I can’t respect myself, and I want to know if she does like me back more than a friend. But I cant step up to talk to her face to face I get all red and I studier so I think it be right to write her a note. what do you think I should do?
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You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are. And you can't help falling in love with your best friend. That happened to me too, I fell in love with my friend and got my heart broken. She was acting angry because you seemed clingy and pining for a closer relationship, and she was nervous because she probably hasn't ever known anything but heterosexualism and didn't know if you were going to do something odd. I felt like that too until I underwent an acceptance program. If you're willing to let time wash away your affection, tell her that and she'll understand. Here's some steps:
1. Stay away from them for awhile. Don't completely and totally ignore or hate on them at all, just don't go out of your way to hang out with them. If you see them around be cortual and polite and kind. But other than that minimal contact.
2.When YOU are ready to see them again. Invite them out for something semi-casual and just hang with them. Remember the big three: be desireless (woman particularly can smell agenda like poop on a shoe) be excellent (do something really cool in front of her or around her) and be gone (let her call you).
3.Make a list of why you should not be 'lovers'. Is your friend in another relationship? Do you want the same things out of life / a partner / the future?
4.Talk to your friend. It's always better to talk it over than keep it inside. Sit your friend down and have a heart-to-heart, let them know your feelings in a calm, rational manner - don't get crazy or cry or look too desperate!
Give your friend time to consider what you just told him or her. You just shared your innermost feelings with this friend - you know your friendship is on the line. But you've also rolled the dice, gambling that your friend might have similar feelings for you. Either way, your friend needs time to process what you've told him or her.
5.Allow your friend to discuss it with you without pressure. It is okay, though, to let your friend know how hard it was to talk to them. Try to both push and hesitate in your words, adding phrases like "I know this is awkward, but..." and also "Of course if you don't feel the same way, it's perfectly okay. Don't feel bad, please."
If they rebuke you politely enough, get out of there as quickly as you can, then grab a pillow and cry over it. Or just find some way to express that emotion. Don't smother it under some corner of your heart.
6.Try to be happy. Remember, if they're happy, you should be too, if you really love them, no matter what they decide. Being depressed all the time won't make either of you happy, and distancing yourself will ruin your best friendship.
7.Most important step! Accept the reality that you will remain friends, suck it up, and move on. Hard, maybe, but it has to be done sometimes.
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if she had feelings for you, it ws wrong for her to act like she didn't for so long. here you are, trying to get over her and then out of left field she sys she might like you back? and doesn't even say for sure or not. so you're left hangy and back to step one again. she seems like she doesn't know what she wants either. you could write her if you know you can't approach her face to face. it's a confusing situation. ultimately, if she does and you do, i don't see it going anywhere if you're moving out of state. just keeping in touch and that's pretty much it. but you both don't seem ready yet. so just take baby steps. don't do everything at once.
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