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I have no one else to turn to!
My older sister writes in her diary every day, so as a younger sister when she's not home, i read her diary usually it's just about cute boys, and gossip, but i was reading her latest entry and it said that her boyfriend is hitting her and she hasn't told anyone, i'm the only one who knows this, why is she letting him do this, and what should i do??? Please help A.S.A.P i don't want my sister to get hurt anymore.
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Sorry if this answer is very long but this is a serious subject.
If you want to understand what your sister is feeling these are the reasons:
1. Peer pressure- she might feeling pressure to be popular, sometimes teenagers feel that being in an abusive relationship is not as bad as being alone which wil negatively affect their popularity
2. Lack of control- sometimes victims feel that they can't tell adults because adults will take control of the situation and make all the decisions, they ironically prefer the abuser's control then the parent's control, and sometimes adults don't treat teenage abuse seriously enough.
3. Safety- Teenagers feel unsafe breaking with an abusive partner because this person may have access to them at school or in the community, they rarely have the opportunity to seek refuge in a shelter or something of that sort, unfortunately service providers don't always take the issue seriously
4. Poor Information- Teens generally get their social information from their peers, they may be misinformed from peers or their partner that this abuse is normal sexuality in a relationship, such ideas that women are mens sex slaves might be reinforced by music videos, movies, television, advertising, and such.
5. Low Self-Esteem- Victims generally suffer from low self-esteem, they feel they will never find another partner, they feel alone, with no one to talk to, and no one who understands their pain. Abusive partners offer a place of "belonging"
6. Lack of community supports- Dating abuse still lacks attention from community service providers, especially adolescents, there are anonymous crisis lines, but there aren't many services.
Here are tips for helping your sister:ow but don't be confronta
1. Listen without criticizing
2. Show concern but don't be confrontational. Say "im worried that you could get hurt and i want to help" instead of "I know you are being abused and you have to break up with this jerk"
3. Be patient. They may deny the abuse out of embarassment or fear, but criticism will only further alienate.
4. Offer help but do not take control. Your goal is to empoweryour sister to make wise and safe choices.
5. Concentrate on their strengths to increase their feelings of self-worth
6. Be honest. discuss the limits of confidentiality up front so they know under what conditions you will involve other people, including parents, school, police.
7. Don't victim-blame by asking questions like what did you do to make him mad? Help them understand that the abuser is responsible for his actions.
8. Criticize only the abusive behavior not the abuser. The victim will feel forced to defen the person they care about and will not trust you to help. Understand that ambivalence is normal and the victim will take time to make change
9. Continue your support even if they choose to stay in the abusive relationship. When they are ready to think about leaving, they will be more likey to seek your help.
10. Continue to support even if the victim returns to an abusive relationship. Maybe they just need more time to develop stronger boundaries and courage.
11. Ask them how they feel don't tell them how they feel or how they should feel.
12. Be aware of your own "baggage". Don't bring your issues to the victim's relationship.
13. Be sensitive to cultural differences and realize that not everyone will share your values.
14 Provide information about relationship abuse. Give them numbers and names of community resources that can help them.
15. Encourage them to share their situation with family or caregivers secrecy nourishes abuse.
I know this might be a lot for you, and remember this can't all be done at once.
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