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triangle of confusionn.
sabine, i have noticed that you give very thorough, specific answers that really hit the spot. so that is why i am asking you, specifically, a question.
14 / f / 8th grade
i have a friend, "bob." i asked bob for his screen name a while back because i thought he was friends with my crush, "sam." however, this does not seem to be the case because bob told me that sam "bullies" him. but i always see them talking, so i highly doubt that's true. so bob and i continued talking although bob was unable to hook me up with sam. that was fine. but then, bob started liking me. now, i was a bit confused because i told bob that i liked SOMEONE (and i was clear that it was not him - i named a class that i have with sam and not bob). so then, bob told me he liked me. and i didn't really know why. because why would you tell your crush that you like them when you know they like someone else, let alone like you?
anyway, so now bob is getting kind of clingy. i have cut down a bit on the communication, but i still really want to be with sam. however, some of the people on this site have suggested that i simply tell him... not gonna happen. sam MIGHT like me, but maybe he's just being friendly cause i flirt with him so much. i do small talk-(his finger is bandaged) "oh, what happened to your finger?" - "where are the science books?" etc. i even maneuvered my way into sitting next to him at an assembly we had. i think he might be getting suspicious. well, he is a social class under me, so i do have a chance.
do you have any advice on both of these situations?
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Hi.
First, thank you for your wonderful compliments! It feels good to know that someone is reading and enjoying my advice. I appreciate it.
I think that the reason why Bob told you that he likes you even after you said you liked someone else was that he was hoping you would say you liked him too. That maybe you'd see that the guy you could easily have was better than the one you admire from a distance. I think it's time to let Bob know that he's a great friend but you don't feel 'that way' about him and never will because you really like another guy. You could say he's not your type because you are more into guys with _________ (like musical talent, love of horses, whatever you find attractive in a man that Bob lacks). Hopefully, he won't try to change himself to be someone you would like. If you told Bob it was Sam, he might be hurt because if he feels he's being bullied by Sam, it might feel to him that you are more attracted to someone who's a bully than someone who's kind (or however Bob sees himself).
Sometimes, especially in jr. high/high school, guys will fixate on a girl even if they know they can't have her. It's just how they are.
So, regarding Sam, if you're not going to tell him that you like him, all you can do is just keep flirting with him and showing him attention. Either he'll get it or he won't. I wouldn't have a friend tell him for you or anything like that - it's juvenile and could backfire. One thing you could do is ask him if he has a crush on anyone, if you have him alone sometime. You might find he has a crush on someone else and then find you're in Bob's position. :(
Whatever happens, take care, and thanks for trusting me to answer your question.
Sabine
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