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Need a male perspective ... !
I'm a 25-year old New Yorker who generally enjoys her life - I have a great job, good friends and lots of hobbies. However, my on-again/off-again boyfriend of 3 years makes me too miserable to enjoy all this.
During the times we've been together and the times we've been far apart (I went away to grad school last year, and meanwhile he took a job in Boston) there has been incredibly intense passion between us. We fight and cry, but our resolutions are amazingly intense as well. Our 'downs' usually result from his being unhappy (he is quite unhappy and critical by nature) and taking it out on me; however, this makes the 'ups' feel so good... like I've won him over or something. In recent years, he's done things like moving all the way back to NY to be with me, before backing out and deciding that to be with me would be 'unfair to me'. Sometimes we date, sometimes we just sleep together, sometimes we don't talk for months. The roller coaster is an intense and heartbreaking ride. I know deep down that a good relationship should be more stable, and that he is too messed-up be able to give me that. But I am also addicted to his drama and passion, and I love him - I find myself wanting to stick with him until he is well enough to treat me right.
I'm sure it sounds as if I already know what I need to do - and I do, intellectually. But it's been years and I just can't seem to internalize that understanding. My emotions just won't comply. I was truly in love with him - and now I stay up at night depressed that being in love doesn't really mean anything. I miss him terribly and cry nearly every day; I can't take other men that I date seriously. I could really use a male perspective on what my options are.
Thank you...
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