|
reason behind her messages
my ex-girlfriend dumped me in dec b/c she couldn't commit, liked somebody else and didn't want to date me exclusively.
since then she has sent three text messages- two wishing me happy holidays (x-mas time, easter) and the other on my b-day.
well she sent the good friday/easter text on fri night and my intuition told me that it was she who called the next day and hung up (i haven't been dating).
now i said thank you in response to the happy b-day text but waited 3 days to do so.
i just don't know if she is being friendly, misses my attention or wants me to pursue her.
please note, that she picked up on me. we dated for a little over a year and now i am living a healthier life (quit drinking 103 days ago, buying a condo), and i miss her so.
i don't want to come across as desperate so i don't call.
i love her lots. oh yea, she also said that she had a secret that she didn't want to tell me a few weeks b4 dumping me. it concerns something "bad" she did b4 we'd met. in response, i told her that my love was unconditional but she couldn't open up to me and changed her mind re" seeking counseling re: commitmentphobia.
when she dumped me she told me that she'd been sexually abused by her step-dad and i wonder if that is it, if she feels guilty.
we had great sex at first and then she stopped b/c of stressful changes w/ school & work, supposedly. i didn't cheat on her and apologized for being disgruntled about not getting any.
at the same time, i am a pretty accomplished guy. i have my masters, teach, my folks are still married, so i look like a bad boy but am really sweet and caring.
i don't if her texts send more than a friendly message. maybe she doesn't either. please respeond if you feel comfortable doing so.
thank you,
~still healing
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
To know what's going on here you have to understand what it is to have committment problems. When someone has committment problems, they are always looking for something better when they are in relationships. Not that that's completely bad, but when it's combined with never being satisfied with the person you are with, it can have very negative consequences. People with committment problems will focus on things that they don't like about the person that they are with. Many believe that love is about finding "the one". Truthfully, there are probably about 100,000 people that you could be completely happy with for the rest of your life, not just one. People with committment problems often witnessed relationships go very badly and fear that the things that happened to those people (usually their parents) will happen to them too. This can even lead to them believing that love doesn't even exist. People with committment problems are always looking for perfection instead of creating it. They have the blueprint for their ideal individual already in their head before they start dating. It's like being found guilty without a trial. You don't even have a chance to meet their expectations. Since you can't possibly be everything that they want, they'll be disappointed. Love is something that you have to work at. It doesn't just happen. Because of the way that love is portrayed in the media, it's easy to fall into the trap of believing these myths. When you have little long term dating experience, it's easy to get the wrong ideas about how love grows too. Love isn't going to stay the same throughout the relationship. The passion and romance will die down as the relationship goes on. People with committment problems will believe that this is a negative thing and that the two of you don't have such strong feelings for each other as you did in the beginning. That's untrue. It means that your relationship is maturing into something very positive. My guess is that you're at least relatively young. Late 20's? Correct me if I'm wrong. There many young adults that don't yet have the capacity for committment. There's a lot of things they haven't realized about life and they're just not ready to settle down with someone. You are very committed and that's good. What sucks for you is that it can sometimes be hard to find someone to be in a relationship with that is as committed as you are. Your ex definitely still likes you. She didn't break up with you for any particular reason regardless of what she is using as an excuse. Even if the sexual abuse is partly responsible for her committment problems, it was the committment problems that ended the relationship and nothing else. I'm not sure I understand what you meant correctly, but it looks like she is getting counseling for her problems. That is a great start for her. Once she gets over her own fears she will be able to committ herself to someone, hopefully you. If she is not getting counseling suggest it to her. Even if after counseling she chooses not to be with you again, it can do a world of good for her. She shouldn't be having these problems especially at her age (I'm guessing she's about the same age as you). For now, there's really nothing that you can do differently. Continue your friendly exchanges, but don't try to push her. The ball is in her court. She knows you want to be with her and she will come to you when and if she feels the same. Good luck. :)
]
More Questions: |