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Bipolar.....I don't know....
16/f. I think I may be bipolar but I'm not sure. I've been feeling like this ever since like October. A lot has happened, and I don't think I'll get it all down, but some things that have happened are symptoms of being bipolar. Sometimes I feel so like "high", I've gotten on people's nerves when I'm like that sometimes, and sometimes the littlest thing can irritate me, and when I'm pissed off I snap. I throw things, yell, hit anything in sight, etc. Sometimes I feel really down and depressed. I have even sorta cut myself several times, or tried w/e. I've gone through both in one day, several times. Sometimes I'll feel down for several days, and sometimes really happy and such for several days. And sometimes I'm just in a normal mood. And I've looked up bipolar on the Internet, but I still don't know. I know I should talk to someone, but I can't. I can't just go to my school counsler and talk to her about this. Or friends. And defiently not my parents. But I know I need to do something if I am really bipolar. And some of the things on the Internet confused me about it. So if anyone knows what they are talking about, help.
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I am bipolar myself actually. Are you experiencing any strange thoughts an or voices and especially delusions? Are you talking rapidly all the time? Those are key signs and if those are not present you are not in any immediate trouble and may not be bipolar.
Mood swings are just the half of it with this disease. From what you are describing your mood swings appear to be consistent with everyone else's. You just happen to be someone who reacts to things when angry/frustrated by throwing stuff against the wall etc. This does not make you bipolar.
It just means you have issues with anger and frustration and that's how you get them out. If you feel really down most of the time and that usually doesn't change from high to low and then back you're okay. You are however, in my opinion depresed and not bipolar.
The self-mutilation is part of a mental illness but from what you describe and based on me dealing with the disease and being around manic depressives it sounds like you have clinical depression.
Keep track of when you are feeling high though as you could naturally feel elated anyways and down over something normal. If you are always teetering between the two and going up and down with it then you might be heading towards a manic episode.
As long as the highs you experience are never accompanied with delusions, voices, weird visions etc or you think you're telepathic you likely are hypomanic and not manic. Hypomanic is where you feel the highs but not the delusions of bipolar. Keep a watch on it though as these signs can often mean you are headed towards being manic.
Getting on people's nerves can be pretty normal. With bipolar it's usually a person getting on someone's nerves while high and completely delusional or teetering back and forth and having strange behavior, visions, delsuions that others are encountering and don't know how to deal with.
You mention that you cannot talk to a guidance counsellor or your parents. I'm afraid you will have to do so for your own health and protection. They need to know what is happening with you and that you are afraid. There's no shame in saying you need help or would like help.
In this case you would see a normal doctor unless delusional and be referred to a special in mental health that deals with teens and kids. They can prescribe something to help you and diagnose your problem and take care of the issue with cutting.
Do not be afraid of this as the only way you're going to a hospital is if you are full-blown manic and delusional and a danger to yourself. To prevent that from happening you need to tell your parents what is happening either face to face or in a letter. You cannot hide this issue or gamble with your health like that.
I think you have clinical depression based on what you wrote but you need an official doctor's diagnoses and fast. You are on the cusp of big trouble here but can stop a potential manic epsiode if you are indeed bipolar by seeking medical treatment.
If you or your parents parents think you might be manic or others may think this you need to proceed to an emergency room where they can assess you and determine if you have a problem that needs hospitalization.
You have to come clean on this to them as mental illness, cutting, highs, delusions or bad thoughts etc cannot be taken care of without getting help. I urge you to do so.
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