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perfectionism
About 2 years ago I was "diagnosed" with perfectionism. (Yes, it's a real disorder.) I got counseling for it, and it hasn't really interfered much with my life since then until now. I've recently found myself faced with more serious dating relationships, but because of my disorder, it makes it really difficult for me to want to get close to a guy. I've met a guy that I adore, and we both like each other. But it's hard because I'm afraid of being "imperfect" around him, which is ironic because that's pretty much inevitable. No one is perfect. But you'd have to have perfectionism to really understand what I mean. Anyways, it's gotten to the point where I don't want to eat around him. I might get something stuck in my teeth, spill on myself, get gas (haha), have an allergic reaction, anything. I don't want to do things that I know I'm not good at because I don't want to fail. (Example: I'm really good at acting, but I got cast in a show as an extra! I usually land large roles, and I was so disappointed in myself. When he said he was going to come watch me, I begged him forever not to come, then cried backstage for an hour before the performance because I didn't want him to see me.) I don't want to go places that I'm unfamiliar with because I might look dumb or mess up.
This is so hard to describe online, and for people to understand, but if anyone has had this similar problem, is a perfectionist, or has any helpful advice on how I can get over this and not let it affect my dating life, I would really appreciate it. I'm desperate!
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"Perfectionism is not about doing one's best, or about pursuing excellence; it's about the emotional conviction that perfection is the only route to personal acceptance. It is the emotional conviction that by being perfect, one can finally be acceptable as a person."
- Dr. Tom Greenspon
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I don't think you are ready for a boyfriend. You have issues that need to be worked out without that added pressure. By trying to be perfect, you are not loving yourself. We all need to love ourselves before we can love another human being. You are no worse and no better than anyone else. I would try to get as many fun people in my life as possible, people you can feel comfortable with and laugh with. You need to learn to laugh at yourself. Life has some very serious parts and some parts that are best enjoyed with a sense of humor. Practice being imperfect, yes practice it! Get good at it! Have fun with it. Make it your daily goal to purposely do or say something very silly or imperfect every single day. You will eventually learn that you can survive imperfection. Perfectionism, however, will kill you. Give yourself a hug and tell yourself as you would a small child, that you are great the way you are, you are worthy and loveable warts and all.
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i always need to be perfect. ALWAYS. i feel the need to be better than everybody else. i understand how you feel. i dread doing things i've never done before because i'm afraid i'll mess up and he'll hate me or something? it's weird. example: i never did anything wtih a guy. but then i realised that it's okay with him because i was comfortable around him.. so listen this is my advice. if you dont' feel comfortable around him you should be with him.. and if you do feel comfortable then you shoudl be fine just take steps.. first maybe eat chips or somethign in front of him etc. just little steps everythign will be fine hunny =] promise
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