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annoyed
hello.. i need some really good advice right now.. ive been going out with my guy for 7 months now, hes said the whole i love u thing, and i dont no if this question im asking should be made a big deal of or not. on new years i asked him to stop smoking, because i just hate it, drives me mad, he said yes i will. then i went round to his house yesterday and he had one in his mouth. he totally disregared my feelings. anyways everytime i try to tell him wats going on in my head, he always goes all weird and shit and pretends like there was nothing wrong to begin with, even though there was.
so wat should i do, how should i tell him how i feel?
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He has to want to quit smoking for himself. You can tell him you want him to quit, but smoking is not something you can just stop doing overnight because some one asks you to. It is a hard habit to break. Trust me, I'm a smoker. :(
Honestly, he didn't TOTALLY disregard your feelings, considering that he hasn't really smoked around you since you told him how you felt about it.
You have to understand that you have to respect his feelings as well. What if he doesn't want to quit right now? Yah, he should quit. It's a terrible habit, I agree. But it is a fault of his, and to cut him down about it probably makes him feel as though he isn't good enough because of his faults. We all have faults.
The best thing I can tell you to do is ask him to not smoke around you until he makes the choice to quit for himself. If that isn't something you can live with, then move on to some one else. It isn't fair for us to feel some one needs to change who they are for our own personal benefit.
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Smoking is an addiction. Anyone with an addiction is not going to be able to quit unless it is their own decision. We cannot pressure, guilt, or complain enough to get someone to change. It is up to them. He is not smoking to hurt you. You choose how to react and feel about his addiction to nicotine. I don't know about what else is going on in your head or what going all weird means to you or in this situation, so you will need to be specific if you want a real answer. You should always be honest about your feelings, but don't expect others to love everything they hear. We are all entitled to our own thoughts and relationships are about compromises that work for both partners to establish an integration that is mutually pleasing on some level. When you come across a dealbreaker, something that you cannot live with in another person, you have no right to beat them up for it or blame them for being themselves. You do have a right to stay and accept them for it, or leave and find someone who you can accept. Men in general will avoid confrontation with the one they are with and even lie to keep what they imagine is the peace. Women on the other hand will fight to divulge everything and risk it all to make sure it is worth fighting for. Every relationship goes through this and every individual must decide how to proceed.
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