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My Ex Fiancee'
Hello there. I thank you for taking the time to read this. Recently my fiancee' and I split up. I am 5 months pregnant with our baby. We lived together on and off and fought. I struggled with the choice to live with my mom or live with the man I love. All along I wanted to live with my fiancee' and be with him but I felt that I was disappointing my mother. He recently, slowly has started talking to me again but has referred to me as "weak minded". He is reluctant to talk to me or even be friends because I did not treat his family well. I love him more than anything and want nothing more than to be a family with him. I do understand this might take a long time. But how can I get him to trust me? How can I get him to want anything to do with me again? Like I said he does not trust me anymore. I really feel like I have changed and am ready to commit to him 100%.
Signed,
Lost
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We can't make someone trust us, nor can we get them to feel anything that they do not want to feel. So, that part of it is not within your power. You have to accept your limits before you can make the most of what you can and do control. I don't know what it is he cannot trust you with...or what it means that "you did not treat his family well. Did he tell you that? I get the feeling that you are a people pleaser and that is making it difficult for you to make clear choices. The fact that you are pregnant is more than a complication, it has to be the main focus right now. You are only really responsible for one person besides yourself right now and that is this child. In the adult world one must realize that it is impossible to please everyone and people will always be disappointed, critical, disapproving, unsatisfied, or whatever. That is their choice to make that judgement and their decision to feel that way. It is not your fault that you cannot meet everyone's expectations...that is impossible and very unhealthy. Your child needs you to start concentrating on being a strong woman who does not waste effort and energy on people pleasing. What would make you happy right now? What do you think is the best for you right now? There is no perfect solution in an imperfect world, but you can begin to make clearer more self-loving choices when you focus within yourself. He may or may not want to be a family, and your mom may or may not ever approve of your life decisions. I am sure you are telling the truth about being commited to him 100%, and I am sure that you would like to be in good standing with mom, but I want you to first be able to look yourself in the mirror every single morning and night and know that you alone are in charge of and the only judge of your life. Be your best self everyday and approve of yourself. Others will do, say and feel how they want and so should you.
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