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Problems.
Growning up I've always thought that if you have a boyfriend, everything and anything in life would be completely wonderful. That nothing else would matter, and he'd make me happy despite all the crap going on. Well..I've learned..that's not always the case. I have one of the most AMAZING boyfriends a girl could ask for. And when I say its almost perfect, I mean it. But lately..I've been dealing with a lot of issues within my life. About a year ago, things went really down hill for me with my family. I was kicked out for the stupidest reason, and when I came back, my mom and I got into a huge arguement, and she ended up beating the crap outta me. It was weird because the person I trusted the most, let loose on me with so much anger, and it was one of the worst expierences of my life. After that, I started my whole rebellion. Tons of smoking, drinking, drugs, and boys became my main focus in life. School has gone downhill for me, I've failed too many classes and it's going to be really hard for me to graduate. I'm in freshman/soph classes my junior year and its really embarrasing. My relationship with my mom is a dud, my dads depressed, and my sisters at that point in her life where her horomones are going insane. And I'll admitt, I'm a bitch to everyone. I can't really help it, but I don't see the point in being nice because it ends up biting me in the ass. I come home, take a shower, do my homework (sometimes haha), then go sit in my room and talk to my boyfriend, friends, or listen to music. Devil music according to my parents. I have really bad self-confidence issues, I feel like a complete loser, and I feel like everyone watches everything I do to see my faults. And I guess I feel really bad. With my boyfriend, I try to hide it because I don't want him getting upset. But I'm to the point where, I need to talk about it. And its fine with him, he wants to talk about stuff and understands. He also has his problems too..they're a lot similar to mine, so we can easily relate and stuff. He's been going through a lot of stress lately also, and he said part of it is because I've been so upset, and he hates to see it and doesn't know how to make me feel better. So my question is..how can I get happy again..? I'm not exactly depressed, but I have my times where I am. I just feel bad because I don't want my boyfriend thinking he doesn't make me happy..because he does more than anyone will ever know. I'm completely in love with this guy. It's just hard because I have so much going on in the back of my mind..and it's killing me.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, part of growing up is learning that our little dreams and fantasies are just that, dreams and fantasies. A boyfriend has nothing to do with your personal happiness. No one can or should be given that much power. A lot of times it is actually more difficult to have a relationship. Your mom is a terrible parent if she beat you up. You need someone to love and support you or at least to listen. You sound very intelligent despite getting bad grades, which is more about not believing in yourself than it is about being smart. You know that you need to talk to someone and correctly fear that you are overwhelming your boyfriend and might drive away the one person you have. I really feel for you. I want you to do something very radical. Start loving yourself and stop letting other people tell you what you are worth. The family has it's own problems and they are not helping you and probably will not ever. Get over it. School is about you and not about them. Rebelling is useless, because it does not work to get people who don't really care to start paying attention in a supportive way. You need to give yourself and find others who will give you real encouragement. Do not let these people or your past dictate your future. I want you to take your life back. Talk to a school counselor for starters and ask for help and support not just in getting your grades back on track, but your life. Years will begin to pass like days, and you will regret not living for yourself sooner. Don't do it for their approval, do it to make a future for yourself. Start making healthy decisions for yourself. Your boyfriend needs to remain your boyfriend, and he cannot be your counselor. Your parents are not doing their job, so you have to grow up a lot quicker I am afraid. Make some smart decisions and get yourself to a better place. Your real life has not even begun, so start planning for your future.
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Having a boyfriend is never just all fun and games. The two of you will have fights and arguments from time to time, and its up to you work them out. But you always have a lot of fun when you're together most of the time. Sometimes people think the best way to back life better is to doing drugs or drinking or smoking cigarettes, but its actually the worst thing you can to do yourself. All of those things only help to make you faster, and even though you may think they make you happier, they really don't. Try not to focus so much on the bad stuff in life, and put the past behind you. What's done is done, and no one can change that. Also try not to think about what other people say about you. It would also be a good idea to try and focus on one thing that would make you happier. Join a club, read your favorite, or arrange dates with your boyfriend, and try not to let things bother you during the day, and just keep reminding yourself that no matter what happens you'll always have something to look forward to later.
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