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I don't know what to do with myself
Ok so heres my problem....
Im a 25 year old female living in Victoria, Australia. My dad left when i was a few mnths old and have never seen him. My mum abused me emotionally and physically all my life and my younger sibling was treated like royalty.I was called obsene names I was called worthless and stupid and other choice phrases.after fights mum would lock herself in her room when i was 5 and pretend she was dead. when i broke in she would still pretend that she was dead.....i'd scream at her til she got up and she would shake me and say "how would the family feel if they knew you killed your mother" i was abused physically and sexullay by my EX best friend and her friend. But lately i've been so miserable every day. nothing makes me happy and i've been cutting myself with a pair of scissors it doesn't evn hurt me. I pinch myself so i get bruises on my arms and legs....cuz i think i deserve it. It sounds stupid but i want someone to care about me and understand. but cant manage to get the words out. I don't want to be here anymore. How can i be happy again? what can i do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
darling, dont ever do that to your body.i do, and it just proves that u got problems maybe you should start seeing a therapist or consider pshyciatry. get a husband, start a family. give to children as you were not given to.
Hope i helped
---Simone411---
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ok so i know you have had a bad childhood but and it's not your fault at all. if you think about it, your mom and ex-friends have problems. they are the ones with the problems, and they abused you due to their problems. it is absolutly not your fault and it never was. if you need more help i suggest you see a therapist or a doctor. i hope i helped. feel better.
<3
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The cutting is a coping mechanism. When you cut, you feel better because you are able to feel something in the absence of loving emotion.
It is not unusual for you to want to feel loved, accepted, wanted, needed, and cared about. Your mother was a rotten piece of work and never understood what she was putting you through.
Here are some options you can explore to bring you happiness. One option is to get some more friends. They don't have to be your age, you know. The older crowd (like thirties and forties) are actually my favorite. If you are religious, head to church. Find a local place to volunteer and be friendly with the other people. Even joining a gym (which has double benefits, health and friendship).
By building up relationships with other people, you will gain the acceptance and sense of 'belonging' you desire and never got with your mom. The past can certainly influence our present, but it doesn't have to dictate our future. What happened to you as a child doesn't have to happen to you as an adult. You are old enough now to walk away when somebody treats you poorly (as oppposed to living in the same house as them).
If you need some more people your (our) age to speak to regularly, you could join me in my forum
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I know I would love to be your friend. :) It is a small forum, but there are a couple ladies there (around our age) whom I've never met and consider good friends of mine. We are availible for just good ol' conversation many times during the day if you want.
One last option you have is counseling. I am not exactly sure what is availible in your area, but here in the states, we can go to clergy, anonymous groups, and there are counselors that are based on our wages. Counseling will help you understand yourself and will give you tools to employ in your everyday life to help you find joy in even the smallest things (like cooking, for example).
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You did not have a chance growing up in that environment to develop a healthy sense of self and boundaries. The cutting is not going to help you and you know that. What is going to help is to get some quality therapy and talking to a counselor is your best bet. There are free counseling services available through some community and church organizations, so check those, if you can't afford to pay. Hotlines can provide you with support in the moment you feel frustration or like giving up. You survived a terrible childhood and you have proven that you are strong and capable! Be proud of yourself for that! You also know that you deserve better and are seeking help! That is a healthy step in the right direction. Total healing will take time, but you will get there. Seek out healthy friendships and read books about setting boundaries in relationships. Check in with me again for anything. I am here for YOU!
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I care. I know, most people cant even come close to what you've been through, but I care, I might not know you well, but I tend to be a very caring person. There is nothing wrong with you. Evidently, there is something wrong with your mother, which shouldnt even be called a mother considering how she treated you. Its great that your ex best friend isnt your friend anymore, you got out of that situation. Cutting is the sillyest thing to do. You dont deserve any of that, you shouldnt be punished for something that isnt your fault at all. You should deffinitly go to a clinic and tell them how you feel. Start a new hobby to keep your mind off of things. Instead of cutting yourself, get some rubberbands and put them on your wrist, and when you feel like hurting yourself, snap the rubberband instead. I know i'm 15, but if you need a friend, I'm here for you to email, or IM, anything I can do to make you feel better I'll do. You are not alone in this, and punishing yourself is not an answer. Hope i helped.
-Brina
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