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What is Jealousy?
I have deep feelings for my best friend. Our relationship is just that friends. I've shared with him my feelings about this & he's always accepted them with an open heart. My issue I'm facing is I'm starting to act jealous. He's a very flirtatious guy. I end up wanting to cry now whenever he turns on his charm to other ladies. This was never a problem for me in the past. Being a flirt is who he is. He claims up & down that he doesn't want to be in a relationship (which is fine by me, we both have the same view points on that topic) My issue is that I'm in love with someone that shares his affection with everyone. We've talked numerous times about this. I need to find out why I feel so jealous & 99.9% of my jealousies are because I misunderstood him. How do I over come this before? I might have a chance with him, but for right now I just don't want to loose my best friend.
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You sound conflicted, which means that you are not sure which you want more....to be in love or to be secure. To be in love, is really a vulnerability. We place our hearts in someone else's care in a way and this becomes frightening unless that person is trustworthy. To be secure is to know that we are not vulnerable beyond what we can handle. Your best friend/love interest is a charmer and flirt. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. However, you need to remember that you do not have a right to be jealous, or to even ask him to explain away his actions or motives, because you two are not in an exclusive relationship. You FEEL jealous, because some part of you wants him to yourself, despite the fact that you have denied wanting a relationship for reasons that are unknown to me. Are you afraid that he cannot or will not be faithful to you? When we give our hearts away, we need to be smart about the decision, but it does always involve the risk of being hurt...yes, always. That is why you need to decide whether or not you are ready to take the next step and become more than friends, or whether you will have to accept the fact that it is not at this time in your life worth the risk. Make a decision and accept the consequences that come with it. We can't have out cake and eat it, too and either decision will have pros and cons, but at least it will end the internal conflict.
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As a very "charming" 17/m myself, I have had extensive experience in this area (actually, I'm going through a similar experience currently). Guys and girls alike are extremely flirtatious during the high school years. Yes, it sucks, but it's part of finding who you are. My biggest problem with this situation is that you admit to being "just friends" and that neither of you want anything more. The fact that you're not "going steady" gives him (and you) every right to flirt with whoever he wants. It might be difficult, but if your friendship is really that strong, maybe it's just best that you stay friends.
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