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So sick of relationship problems...
18/f
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years [Four in July]. The past year and a half has been so hard. I'm not exactly sure how to deal with it and I know he isn't either. I get angry/upset really easily and he knows that. He's a really laid back guy, so when something's wrong with him he usually doesn't show it so he doesn't upset me or something. Anyways, we've been having alot of fights lately. I get so mad at him I don't even wanna look at him. I feel like I hate him at the time and it shows. He'll say things like "I just wish you could see things from my side.." or "I'm sorry I fucked up I guess I have to try harder.." orr "I guess im just a fuck up.."
It's like he says those things so I'll feel bad. I honestly canNOT help getting so mad. I even tell myself to breathe and to just let it go. but then in my head I'm furious..but at the same time I can't stop crying because I feel like I'm bad to him.
I don't see it as me being selfish. and I really do know how hard he tries and I try hard too. Sometimes it's like he expects me to be mad. We do a thing where he's like I love you honey and I say I love you too baby back to him. And if I don't say baby he's like "so what are you mad about this time?" or something like that.
I'm just sick of it. I don't like having such harsh feelings that I can't control towards him. I love him and I'm afraid that my feelings might affect the way he feels about me, or looks at me. It really does make me look like a bitch and I know I'm not. I'm easy to get along with and such things.
What can I do to make things easier? When I get mad at him what do I say?
I'm tired of fighting and blowing up at each other and just saying sorry. That doesn't always fix things.
Thanks
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There are issues here that need to be identified and dealt with. Your boyfriend is using the typical excuse of not being good enough for you, as a passive-aggresive way to shift blame and guilt back to you. That is not acceptable. You have been buying into it; however, and so the cycle continues, because the issue is never honestly discussed. Lots of guys have an automatic defense against any criticism and will crawl into a shell or lash out as a way to avoid any confrontation. This means, that you will not get to the heart of the matter or an honest response from him, unless you can approach the issues that bother you in a way that is not going to offend. Your anger and frustration are justified, but if you use them as tools to crack his shell, he will just develop a harder shell. The more you appear to be relaxed and non-judgemental about something the greater the chance he will open up to you without the passive-aggresive "I just can't do anything right to please you." Once you see how he is playing the game, he will not be able to manipulate your feelings and you will stay focused. Think like a guy and put your heart on hold. Talk about stuff rationally and without showing emotion...emotion translates as WEAKNESS to a lot of people and they will use it against you!
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