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Mixed Messages
I met a girl about year ago who I really liked, but she had a boyfriend and a 6 month old baby. The boyfriend is no more but she still lives with him (for at least the next month). We became friends and have always flirted a lot. We've spent some time together but I couldn't ever get further than that. We've talked about my feelings for her and have a pretty open dialog about it. She says she doesn't want a relationship.
Two weeks ago, she got drunk and sent me an email telling me all the dirty things she wanted me to do to her. The next day she said she was embarrassed and wanted to pretend it didn't happen. Last week, she sent me a txt and wanted to meet up for a drink. We had a few drinks and as I was walking her to her car, she pulled me into a back room and we had sex. Afterward, we talked for a bit and she said it couldn't happen again until she moved out. Fair enough. She sent me a message later telling me she's wanted that since she met me. I asked her if things had changed about wanting a relationship and she said no. We talked about our friendship and eventually she started talking about being jealous of me talking with other girls (she's a bartender at a place I frequent) and
We hung out again the next night and as I was kissing her goodnight, she wanted to have sex again, but I told her I realized that was the kind of relationship she wanted and I was ok with that, but I really wanted more than that from her, so I asked her to slow things down a little so I could make sure I didn't ask her for more than she could give me. She kept on pushing me but I kept on resisting because I really think we'd be good for and with each other. She started getting upset because "I didn't want her" and I was "rejecting" her. We chatted later in the night and she was really upset. I told her that I wasn't rejecting her, but I had to make sure that my feelings for her were in control otherwise both of us were going to get hurt.
I want to pursue a relationship with her. We're already great as friends (at least we were, if that hasn't been destroyed by this) but I don't know what to do next. Is a fling the best I can do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I think you should get to know her and find out about her past relationships. She may be scared to get into a relationship because of her child or because of something that happened in a past relationship. Some girls don't know how to express them self and use sex as a method of trying to get the guy, which doesn't always work out. When you told her that you wanted to take things slower and that you wanted more from her, she may have freaked out because you may be the first guy to actually take a step back and discuss the relationship before you end up just having sex all the time. She may feel embarrassed and unwanted because of this. It sounds like she has had a few bad relationships in the past and doesn't know how to be treated by a guy. Call her and ask her if she'll go out to dinner with you. Buy her some flowers. Show her how she's supposed to be treated. Another approach that may work (if she's the kind of girl who stays in bad relationships) would be to just ignore her for a while. If you back off, she may realize that she actually likes you. Either way, it's your call. I hope I helped. Let me know how it goes, or if you have any other questions. <3 Dana
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