Question Posted Saturday September 16 2006, 11:02 pm
Okay, well i was dating this boy Andrew for about 11 months and then when we hit high school he told me another girl was hotter than me and i always brought it up and i'd say stuff like "hey look there she is" and it really mad him upset i guess. but he obviously didn't understand that it made me even more upset and he ended up dumping me because i was "always on his case" about it but i never would have been on his case if he didnt give me a reason to be.. and then he asked out another girl to the movies like 3 days after he dumped me (not the one he thought was hotter than me) and then at our town fair we worked things out and he told me that he still loved me but didnt wanna be with me and we ended up making out and stuff and for about a week he treated me like his girlfriend still and now i'm realizing that i just want to get over him because i'm being tied down to somebody that isnt even my boyfriend anymore, yet he still goes and hangs with other girls and goes out with other girls but when i do that with other boys i feel so guilty.. and at school and stuff i'm so tempted to hold his hand and he sits with me at lunch and we talk on the phone before i go to bed.. and my friend has already been through everything i'm going through and shes like "just put your guards up and don't let him see you hurt" but its not that easy but does anybody have any advice about how to get over thiss boy?
Vikki27 answered Sunday September 17 2006, 7:05 am: As long as this guy continues to treat you like a semi-girlfriend you won't be able to get over him. He's keeping you sweet, while going off with other girls and clearly, from what you have said, you have more loyalty towards him than he does to you.
See, the problem is that he broke an unwritten but fairly well known rule. When you are dating someone, no matter what they look like, NOBODY is more attractive than them. End of story. If my partner told me he thought someone was prettier than me, I'd be hurt too. Of course I would! Anyone would! Okay, peraps you didn't handle it the best possibly way but the fact is, most people would react the same way and it isn't an unfounded response.
If you really want to get over him, you need to tell him that he can't keep treating you the way that he is. No more late night calls, no more kissing and no more confessions of love. If he wants to be with you, then fine, he can be but if he doesn't then it needs to stop so that you have the freedom to get over him and move on because you still have feelings for him. Chances are, he will probably act as though you are being unreasonable in saying this. You're not. You can't get over someone who is always in the picture, telling you that they care about you but at the same time, being with other women.
Unfortunately, after this it's all down to you and time. Shut yourself away in your room for a weekend with a box of kleenex and a week's supply of Haagen Dazs or Ben and Jerry's and eat and cry until you have nothing left. After that, it's time to move on so go out with friends and tell them they aren't to talk about him. Go shopping, go for a meal or to the cinema. Anything that means you will have fun.
It will take time but you will get over him and find someone who will truly care about you and treat you as you deserve to be treated. [ Vikki27's advice column | Ask Vikki27 A Question ]
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