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I am jealous of my husband's FEMALE best friend
I am 28/f. The situation is complicated. He has had a female best friend for a while now. I have always felt a little jealous, like he was spending more time with her than with me. I know her and her boyfriend, and thus am 100% sure he is not cheating with her, but I am still jealous. About two months ago, we started marriage therapy. When he told me he wanted to to that, he said he felt like he should move out for a while and had arranged to stay with this woman temporarily. Now I am insanely jealous of her. He knows this. So does she. They are starting an internet business together, and as work at the same place, and spend a lot of time together as a result. We have been doing well in therapy. He understands my jealousy and has been spending less time with her over the past couple months, but now they are starting to spend more time together again. In fact, he is at her place now working on their internet project. Her bf is there too, but it is still hard for me. I don't know if I will ever stop being jealous of her. Honestly, I would feel better if he never saw her again. But I know that they are just friends, and I would feel terrible asking him to not see his best friend again.
Oh, about 5 years ago, I had a male best friend. My marriage was on the rocks then too as I was in the midst of terrible depression (for which I take antidepressants still). My husband let me go out with my friend all the time, so now I feel like a hypocrite not wanting him to spend time with her. But I never made arrangements to live with my friend.
Other than this issue, we have really worked out pretty much everything in therapy and are doing so well. I am very much in love with him again, and he loves me and makes it very clear. That only makes me feel worse about this jealousy I feel. Then I get stressed. It is a downward spiral from there.
I guess my questions are: Should I be so jealous? What can I do to make it less of a problem? Will I get over it? Should I ask him to not see her, or is that just a bit harsh?
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Well, I understand why you would be jealous. No offense to you, but I would never let my wife go out somewhere with another guy, but on the other hand, I also wouldn't go out with another woman, and definitely not live with her. I mean what kind of crap is that. He chose to be with her over you. That's ridiculous. If you're married, you're married. That's it. You don't just say oh well, we're fighting I'll go stay with this other woman, even if she is his best friend, until we can live together again. What kind of crap is that. The truth is you shouldn't take this much crap off of him. I mean I wouldn't say he couldn't be around her, but working together should be enough. After a reasonable time of working together, he should come home and be a husband. Husband first, best friend second. You have to come first, no matter what. I hope you work it all out; I'm sure you will. Good luck.
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I don't care if the borfriend is there or not. He shouldn't of ever moved in with this woman! I would have forbid it! It's a recipe for disaster. Yes you have every right to be jealous. Is he still staying with this woman? If he is, then tell him he can't no more if he expects to be with you. Keep your eyes open.
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Hey,
There is something called "compromising", and that is when someone does something for you, you have to do something for him in return.
Like here in your situation, when your husband allowed you to hang out with your best friend when you where in a terrible state of depression.
So now you should let him hang out with his best freind too, at least to hang out somewhere or meet up at a cafe or something. And they could still work together on that internet business of theirs and talk on the phone and stuff. These are the things that you should not make a problem out of them.
But what you are right about , is that he most definitely should not make arrangements to live with his freind, because i am sorry ,but this is so disrespectful of him and you shouldn't approve of, what the hell is he thinking of ? He has a wife and a house, and he's just simply moving out to live with his friend? That would not be approved of ever ,by any wife. Let me rephrase that, a married man who has a wife, just moves out to live with another woman. Anyone who would here that story would assume something is going on between him and his best freind. But i am not going to assume so, and i will be on your side, because you are loyal and you trust your husband and believe that he would never cheat on you with her.
So right now, i am going to answer your questions, with simple answers, and these are the answers that you should really consider and work on them. First of all, you can not allow him to live with his best friend or any other woman when he is a married guy and has a wife and home to be in, even if he shows you that he loves you so much and treats you so good. Its damn right , your right to disapprove and get mad. Other than that, don't ask him not to see her, inface tell him, that he can't live with her, but he can meet up with her at some place where they could work and talk and get some coffee or something. So that you would be right, and in the same time, you wouldn't see harsh or protective and jealous. But you can ask him to hang out with you more and go out with you and stuff , and try to make your relationship much better. And if you can do all that,and you still feel jealous , then i am sorry, i won't stay on your side anymore, because if you ask him to do all this, and he agrees and actually shows some change , then you would be wrong if you are still jealous , because if he agrees to do this, then he obviously loves you so much and can't turn down anything you tell him do.
Think of what i said, and if things get better or worse, be free to contact me, and i would be glad to help you and tell you what to do.
Goodluck:)
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