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love your advice.. could you help me?
Hi there. :)
I was in my bfs room a few months ago and he left for a moment. On his computer desk he had a girls email address. Well, out of curiousity I decided to add her using a fake account. It was his ex girlfriend. Well we started talking and became "friends" She started to open up to me quite a bit and then started talking about this guy she used to go out with. Turned out she was talking about my bf, since I asked her his name.
Well, she was telling me that they still speak now and just yesterday he told her she's the only girl he'll ever love and no girl will ever come close to her in his mind. He apparently asked her the other night about "what if we hadn't of broken up?" and they decided they would be married now. They were engaged and he was going to buy her a ring and everything. I might add both were only 16 or so. They only broke up because of the distance, according to her. She does know he has a gf and she said she feels awful about it because she still likes him.
However a few things she said didn't make sense. She said his dad died, which is something I never heard about. He told me that they didn't talk much because they had an argument a few years back, but I think I definitley would've known if he had died. Also she said he was 19 and he's in actual fact turning 17 in a month. And she said he moved from Washington (where she lives) to live with his mom yet I know he's lived in Oregon all of his life.
None of this I ever heard about. We were friends for 2 years. We only got together now, because he didn't think I liked him. He said he would've rather me if he had've known I liked him, that he wanted to break up with her and go out with me but didn't think I wanted him. He told me he's never felt as strongly for anyone but me because he's liked me for years. He says he doubts he and this girl would ever get back together. But now I hear all this about his ex.. and I can't believe anything he's ever told me. She even sent me a song he wrote for her and I cried my eyes out.
I feel awful about doing this now and wish I could erase what I did and what I found out. Admittedly, it was wrong to do. I'm not sure what to do now though. Should I just leave it, or confront my bf about it and tell him what I did? It's really upset me. There's a chance she could be lying but I don't know. Sorry this was so long. Thank you for reading.
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Well, firstly thank you very much for asking me personally!
Wow, I can't imagine how hard this is for you to know and find out all from this girl.
However, this isn't a situation you can put behind you and move on. Yes, it was wrong to have a fake account and talk to her. What you should have done was ask him who she was. Sure, maybe he might not have told the truth, but now you have to deal with too much information. What you need to do is come clean to your boyfriend about all of this and honestly end the relationship. It sounds to me that the fact that the only reason they parted was because of the distance is true. It sounds to me like he is not over this girl and he needs tons of space before he gets back into a relationship. It is a very common mistake to start dating people right after a bad break-up just to relieve the pain of this past person.
Now, I absolutely know how you are feeling when you think about recieving advice from someone who says that you should end this relationship. It's almost the worst feeling in the world, but the way you should see it, you deserve a guy whose not so connected to his Ex-girlfriend. And even if he was over her, he should never have a conversation about their past nor where do they tink they'd be right now if they were still together. He just should say that he's very happy where he is right now and that's with you.
You both have very big issues with relationships. You have a problem with not coming upfront and asking who someone is or trusting what he says. He can't seem to tell his new girlfriend that he's still in contact with his old girlfriend and you should have known without even asking IF you both are in a serious relationship. And it definetly does sound to me like you both were serious.
You aren't a bad person. He is just as guilty as you are and now you can see that he had been hiding a lot. But, the truth is that he had plans to actually marry this girl, he really was serious about having a future with her and that's a lot to suddenly lose when that kind of relationship is over. I'm not sure how long ago the relationship ended, but the only way I can ever see things working out with the both of you is if you come clean and decide to have him stop having contact with her period. You both would have to come to an agreement and learn to truly trust each other. But I really doubt that he will agree to that because he's probably not over her.
If he really is into you now and has no feelings for her, he needs to shut off contact with her and prove it to you. He needs to have you on his mind and E-mail you love letters and not her.
If you need anymore help concerning this situation, please write back.
-TheTeenGirl
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