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How do I change
Hello, I am 16 years old. I have always been kind of shy around people, but my shyness grew as i entered highschool. I have a few good friends, but I am no where near popular. My friends seem to make it look very easy to meet knew people and make many new friends, most of them also have boyfriends. I can not seem to talk to people, I do not know how to open up conversations and not make people think im some weirdo (people think i am because i dont really talk to people, i keep to myself alot) I also do not have a boyfriend, and have never had one, I tell people I have, because I feel stupid. I cant really ask any of my friends about how to open up to people, so what should I do? How can I overcome my shyness and open up to more people. I walk around my highschool with my head down and walking past people, going straight to class, I do not talk to many people at all!. Please let me know how I can open up and make more friends, and maybe get a boyfriend. I dont even go to many parties because people think that I am too shy and will just be a drag along that they need to watch over. PLEASE HELP!
-Danni /female
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I'm really glad you asked me this because you seem a lot like me minus the boyfriend part. I am very sorry that this is so late. Finals are killing me. But anyways:
Overcoming shyness has been one of the hardest obstacles in my life. And I'm still reserved but I'm not like I was before. I never really learned, and I don't mean to get you hopes down. You could learn but how could you? It's not like there is a class on this. A lot of people think of shy people as being depressing, emotional, or just plain weird. They think "why does she never talk?" It's very hard to understand unless you are shy yourself.
Being self conscious is the problem that leads to being shy. Maybe that's not your case but if it is you need to work on that. And make sure you are happy with yourself.
What helped me the most is becoming interested in everyone. I wanted to listen to them, and understand them. Prior to the school year I'd analyse everyone in mind mind. I tell myself and other people how I never judge anyone and don't think highly of people who are so judgemental. I finally came to reality that I'm actually contradicting myself because I won't even allow myself to know the person. I formed my opinions on them yet never asked or got to know them. That was wrong. So I finally allowed myself to talk to them.
I always like to compliment people. And I'm sincere about it too. If I like their purse or their drawing, I'll tell them.
The key is imagining yourself as being the girl who everyone wants to talk to. The girl who talks to everyone without caring who they are or what group they are in. The girl that all the guys want to talk to. Sounds silly, but you need to keep repeating this in your mind over and over. Too many times we tend to think about the negative aspect such as "What if that coems out wrong." And they aren't. We just keep thinking it in our mind so we chose not to talk. It's the exact oppoisite. The more we think of ourselves as being a great talker, we'll believe it. And it will be more comfortable to talk.
Try asking one question from 5 out of 8 classes a day. The more you become comfortable talking among the class you'll be less afraid to have one on one conversations.
Practice talking in the mirror.
This is a really great site that I found. Maybe it can be of some help too : [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Hang in there! It's not so simple to get over. I know the feeling, I've been shy ever since I entered highschool too. But I know I have it in me because I used to be social. Everyone can be social, it's just a matter of using it. Let me know how it goes!
Shannon
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