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His um "problem"
I was wondering if you could offer me any advice on this topic. I've been married for 3 weeks (been together for a year and a 1/2) At the beginning of our relationship we had sex all the time sometimes 2 & 3 times a day now it's like once every couple days. My husband thinks he is suffering from erictile disfunction. 80% of the time when we do have sex it goes soft 2 or 3 times! He has went to the doctors on base about it (He's a marine) and they won't subscribe him any medicine to help him they say it's all in his head or stress. His work life is the usual stress that any person with a job has and his home life couldnt be any better to my understanding. I've told him I dont care about his problem (I do but I just want him to know that sex or no sex I aint going no where) but he says it destroys him because he feels like he cant even perform like a MAN. And he re-assures me all the time that I'm beatiful and that i'm not the reason that he can't get it up. Do you think that if he went to a off-base doctor they would actually help him? or do you know of any websites that you can get something that will help you? Thanx bunches!~
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I can only imagine how frustrating this problem must be for both you and your husband. You have my sympathy.
Here's the wikipedia entry on erectile dysfunction. It's a good first source for information.
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I have no experience with the military medical system, so I can't give you an authoritative answer. However, in my experience with civilian doctors, I have certainly seen many cases in which doctors failed to treat a serious problem with appropriate concern.
My limited information is that the military medical system is underfunded and presently under great strain, so it wouldn't surprise me at all if your husband wasn't getting adequate treatment for his problem.
Of course, it's important for me to remind you that I'm NOT a doctor.
If I were in his shoes, though, I'd see the best civilian doctor that I could find. It might be expensive, but what's more important than your happiness, and his?
My understanding is that he'd need to see a urologist first, and then, if no physical cause could be found, he'd probably be referred to a therapist of some kind. I don't know what role (if any) ED drugs might play in his treatment, of course.
It would be a very bad idea for him to simply self-medicate, however. If there's a physical cause to his ED, treating it with drugs will not change the basic problem - for all I know, it might make it worse. And if the cause is psychological, the same objection applies. The best solution, for both of you, is to find out what the problem is and take steps to deal with it, once and for all.
He might want to approach the issue as a military problem, in a way: first, you need to know what the problem is. That takes intelligence. Which would be a diagnosis from one or more doctors, in this case.
Then, you need to know what your options are. Based on that information, choose the best course of action: a recommended course of treatment, be it medical, therapy, or a combination of the two.
Finally, get the right people and equipment, and take action. In other words, he needs to follow through, stick with the treatment, and solve the problem.
Embarrassment is a common reaction to ED, but if he views the embarrassment itself as nothing more than another obstacle to be overcome, perhaps that will make it easier for him.
Good luck to both of you!
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