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Am I killing my own relationship?
I'm an 18/f. My boyfriend lives a couple hours away at college so I see him maybe once a month. I love him just as much now as I did before he left at the end of the summer. It used to be that because of distance, we never really fought. Now it seems to be that because of distance we DO fight. Petty, stupid arguments over who-can-even-remember. Yet it's slowly dragging us down. More and more of my nagging, bitching, and picking fights I'm afraid is sooner or later going to be the last straw for him.
Being a girl though, I can't help it. I can't help being afraid he'll find someone else in college. I can't help being afraid he's bored of me. God forbid there's no daily AIM conversation or something and I'll panic and wonder "what's wrong, what did I do, he's no longer interested in me and my day." All extreme insecurites, I realize. But again, I can't help it. I'm so used to guys always getting bored of me eventually that I figure the time has to be coming soon. Which in fact just makes it so much worse.
Our "arguments" (one-sided issues created usually by me) consist of me concluding that he must just be sick of this and asking if he's SURE he doesn't want to break up with me. It never goes anywhere, I applogize later, but the relationship takes another blow. AND there's never a complete, flat-out, 'no', which alarms me, and certainly doesn't convince me.
It's hard to go month to month on only a few typed words each day and seeing eachother for maybe a weekend.
Question being I guess, AM I beating the hell out of this?
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I don't mean to be a judge on this, but yes it does seem like you are pushing things to roughly.
From experience: in a long-distance relationship, you need to make the most of your time you spend together in person. That means you need to put in as much effort as you can to having a good time and avoiding a bad moment or argument.
It's natural to think that "he might find someone else in college". But chances are, after all you've been through to begin with, he wouldn't have to. If you let those thoughts interfere with your feelings for him then that might make things worse.
If you have doubts about him or the relationship, then take my advice: say something right away! I mean it. Don't let your relationship get worse with arguments...or by expecing/thinking the worst of him, yourself, or the both of you. Keep a positive attitude with things and really - for a relationship to work you need to communicate and trust each other (which I'm sure you already knew).
So what if you don't see each other as often as you'd like. Keep in touch. Call each other if you can. E-mail or instant message each other to talk about anything and everything if you don't already.
I think you should really try to work on being open with him, letting him be open with you (be there to listen), ask for and earn his full trust, and give him your trust. Even if you don't get to see each other as much, if you make those moments a blast then things will probably go well and get better. Hope that helped and good luck.
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ok wow, this same thing is going on with me and my boyfriend except hes about 1,000 miles away and i get to see him only in the summer. we're in love and we'd do anything for each other but its really hard sometimes. it sucks not knowing what theyre doing all the time. i feel like hes doing things behind my back or something then i feel really bad because he loves me. idk i think something like this is normal, and im sure they're feeling the same way, they just dont show it the same way girls do, or dont know how to. i think you just have to look at it like its something thats gonna be worth it down the road and if you want it to happen you have to make it happen. dont give up on him just because he isnt there, because when he can be and he isnt, its gonna hurt even more. i could go on forever but i wont. let me know if you need to talk about anything else!
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