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i went out with this guy named alex two years ago. we went out for 3 months. the next year we were getting closer as friends and i had always liked him since we broke up. we are closer then ever now and i can tell him anything, hes even closer to me then any of my girl friends. so now hes going out with one of my friends, they have been going out for like 6 months. so a few weeks ago alex had told me that he really did still love me and that he wanted to go out with me. well katie ( his girlfriend ) is a little, how can i put this, controlling and she said that they we not going to break up now matter how alex felt. and alex is like the nice guy who hates to hurt peoples feelings and so he finally got the courage to break up with her. well that night he was going to ask me out over the computer ( aim ) but i had to go but he said he had to ask me something so i said to ask me tomorrow, so he said okay. but the next day i found out that he and katie got back together(the controlling girlfriend). (just to fill you in, i am a tomboy and i dont cry and i havent cried in like 3 years) i was hurt baddly for him leading me on like that and you know what i did. i cried all night long. well now i want him even more even though he did all of that to me. i know that hes not going to break up with katie anytime soon. so why do i still want him? and why do i keep like obsessing over him like this. oh and do you think i should get over him, and if you do can you tell me how i could do that. can any one help. thanks
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Oh I really do feel sorry for you. First love is almost always the greatest. And the most painful. Ironically, my first experience with love was also with a guy called Alex!
I really don't think you should give up on him just yet. From what you have said, it's pretty clear that he has feelings with you but he's intimidated by this Katie. And from your description, I can't blame him. The problems here are that it's his choice to be with her but also that he's made it obvious that he doesn't really want to be.
The best thing you can do at the moment is tell him how you feel about him and how you felt when he said that he and Katie were going to get back together. Tell him that when he broke up with her, you thought you might finally get your chance with him, and in view of the bad things he had said about her, you never thought they would be getting back together again.
I know it might be embarrassing to tell him this but there is a reason for it. He needs to know how you feel about him because if he does feel the same way, it might just give him the courage to break up with her. If he decides he wants to stay with her, you won't always look back wondering how he would have reacted if he had known how badly hurt you were. Not to mention that you may change the way you are around him now when you see him and it will confuse him as to why you're acting differently if you don't explain. Even just as a friend, you need to tell him this.
As far as getting over him if he stays with her goes...I wish I could offer you a cure. I truly do. Love is the most amazing and most agonising experience in life and getting over a lost love is one thing which will be different for every person. Although I can't offer you a cure, I always recommend a vast quantity of ice cream (the most expensive stuff in your case. The worse the heartbreak, the better the ice cream should be), your pyjamas, several boxes of Kleenex and a good few weepy movies over the weekend. It won't take your mind off him but it's not supposed to. You need time to let all your emotions out. I know you say you're a tomboy but even tomboys feel pain that needs to come out. So sit in your room, drown in ice cream, tears and films for two days and after that, draw a line under the whole thing. Don't resign yourself to getting over him but resign to getting on with your life. Go out and face the world smiling (even if you don't feel like it) and get some friends together to do something you enjoy without him. Remember there's a whole world of guys out there and in time, the right one will come to you and you'll forget all about this guy.
Don't worry. You WILL be fine.
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Okay, I don't believe in grudges, so I think that you should definetly forgive him for leading you on & he did lead you on. I know that you still may have deep feeling for him, but you can't keep obssessing over him as much because that wouldn't be fair to Katie, because you would n't want someone to still be in love with your boyfriend. But don't give up hope on him yet because if he has feeling for you, then there might still be hope. Maybe you should talk to him and tell him what you feel and that should open his eyes.
-- Taniqua --
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