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I have been having an email relationship with a man for about a year and a half. We are both married,though I am unhappy. He has been married 3 times. He has a small child with current wife. We have met secretly many times. I am in love with him. He told me that he has no plans to leave her and does not love me, but he wants me in his life. He emails me everyday and wants me to come to his rock shows. I wonder if he does have feelings for me but does not want to leave his son. I can not seem to let him go and keep emailing him and wanting to be with him. What should I do? If he did not have feelings for me, wouldn;t he just ignore me and not contact me? Or not come and hug me when he sees me? None of his friends know about us. We always meet in secret when we meet, although we have not seen each other in person for several months now. I am a 35 year old female.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
There are different ways to have feelings for someone. He undoubtedly has "feelings" for you, I just doubt they are the same kind of feelings you have for him.
I am not implying here that it neccesarily has to be somthing purely sexual- I have no idea about that aspect of your relationship- but even "feelings" in the way one has for a close friend could apply here perhaps.
Now, all that being said, you are in a very dangerous place emotionally. You will end up breaking yourself down and feeling worse and worse if you continue with this.
This guy has been straight with you, he has told you his intentions for the future. Even if this wasnt the case I would warn you away from someone who is a husband and a father, and is still willing to cheat. But in this case, there is nothing to wonder about.
Bottom line is that the more you talk/ see him, the less likely the love feeling will go away and the more miserable you will be. I have tried being in a very similar situation and it tore me apart emotionally (and I am still feeling the effects years later).
If you look at it logically, if you can strip off the emotional attachment you have to this person and look upon it as a spectator, you will know I am right. Sometimes our minds know better than our hearts... wish I had realised that five years ago. Good luck.
- Just to answer the feedback... I never did let go. I got burned bad when she eventually left for someone else permanently. Spent two years of my life persuing this person and those were two of the most miserable years of my life. She too had "feelings" for me... just not exactly the same kind I had for her.
Funny thing, people around me back then gave me the same sort of advice as I wrote above. So, I know how hard it is to let go, I was certainly unable to do it. Just remember the longer it lasts, the more its going to hurt.
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