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humorist-workshop
How to avoid putting my foot in my mouth
Hello,
I am 27 years old and have been grappling with my social awkwardness from my early teens. I've always been very shy and insecure, though have improved greatly over the years. I've learned to accept myself the way I am, but sometimes I still make the same social mistakes. I am tired of embarassing my husband, family and friends when I make social blunders - namely putting my foot in my mouth. I am always conscious of other's feelings, so don't do it on purpose. That's the problem - I don't even realize that I've said something wrong most of the time. I only find out what a doofus I was when my husband or someone else asks me how I could have said what I said - didn't I realize how rude that was?! I feel so ashamed, and shudder to think what else I've said in the past that may have hurt/enraged/upset people.
Anyway, the point is, I want to improve my social/conversation skills and learn how to realize when I am going to say something wrong. I think I often say things too quickly before thinking it through because I'm often so nervous talking to people that I try to fill the void with something, rather than allow some silence while I consider what to say. Can you help me?
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Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Etiquette?
You say you've accepted yourself the way you are. Let's run with that concept.
You say you tend to say things without thinking first. The obvious solution is to pause for two seconds before saying things - but the problem is that might cause paranoia in that split second, causing you to indeed "second-guess" yourself. How are we supposed to know, anyway?
You also say that you don't notice when you've said something wrong. Now I think I've got a partial solution. Don't think too much about what you're going to say. Reacting is something you can build on, it means you're already free to open your mouth. Consider working on your listening skills. This way if you DO say something inept, you'll be able to perceive when you have - and THEN you'll be able to say something to cover your ass. Apologize or whatever.
You can doooo eeet.
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