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Essay
Hey sorry i took so long to show you my essay but i've been editing it. By the way it's an essay on inspiration and can only be 500 words to enter in the contest..which i don't have to but might like to and mine has 499. lol But for my class it can be how ever long i'd like it to be. So here it is and thanks oooo sooo much for editing it for me! MUCH LOVE, Shelly
(p.s it's due tommrow)
In today’s world it’s hard to find someone who inspires you, but there are those special people out there who do inspire you. Thankfully, I have one of those people in my life. That person who inspires me is my grandmother, because she has always been caring, responsible, and faithful in her life.
My grandma is constantly caring for other people around her. Throughout the summer I’ll go to Connecticut to visit her and she’ll always let me stay with her in any case. She has set up a room for me to stay in when I visit. Recently, she moved from a five bed room house to condo. She made sure there was an extra room for me to stay in. When I go to work with her she’s constantly asking me if I’m happy and comfortable. Finally, when something important happens in my life she tries her hardest to be here for that certain event. One time she wanted to make sure she would be here, she bought her plane ticket about seven months in advance! She even drove down here because the air fare was extravagant. My grandma also tries her absolute best to visit me as frequently.
My grandma is a very responsible woman too. When I come to stay with here she’ll always be there at the gate before I even get off the plane. One time my flight was about 40-45 minutes early and she was sitting there waiting, I didn’t have to wait a minute for her to get there. In my whole life, my grandma has never once elapsed a birthday or holiday. She’ll call; send cards and/or presents for all occasions. Amazingly, my grandma has always treated me and my ten cousins equally. When Christmas is here, she’ll try her very best to keep the money spent on us equal. Spending time and showing her love with each of her ten grandchildren is extremely important to her and somehow she manages to spend an equal time with each of us.
Being faithful is an essential trait in a person’s life and my grandmother has that trait. She’ll be at church every Sunday guaranteed. Even in a foreign place, she’ll somehow manage to discover a church to attend. Anything the weather might bring that day she’ll try her hardest to attend Church. She’ll also contribute money to churches, schools, and charities. Once I asked her if she could contribute a few dollars to Relay for Life, but she ended up donating 20 dollars. She’ll always keep in touch with her friends and family, and she’ll be honest with them too. My grandma also helps plan our family reunions each summer to make sure she’ll be able to talk with all her relatives.
My grandmother carries all these traits and more. That’s why I love my grandma very much. Hopefully, one day I can resemble her, and have somebody look to me for inspiration the way I look to here for inspiration.
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Your grammy sounds really nice!
My grandma is a psyco... Litterally... ANYWAY!
I didn't really see any errors at all. You did a pretty good job editing. The only thing that confused me was this part: "My grandma also tries her absolute best to visit me as frequently."
Your whole paragraph was about her visiting you frequently, and by putting also it threw me off.
You could try putting something like My grandma ALWAYS finds the time to visit me, and I love it.
Other than that, it was very well written. I have no other complains. =) Nice work and you better get an A!
-Emily-
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Hey, this is your essay, so I cannot "redo it" for you. Just out of curiosity, what grade are you? in What I can do is tell you what to change in parenthetical notation. By the way- a hint for essay writing is to not use contractions. It sounds smarter, and takes up more space =-) for example:
must've should be must have
don't should be do not
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In todayâ??s world itâ??s(take away contraction) hard to find someone who inspires you, but there are those special people out there who do inspire you. Thankfully, I have one of those people in my life. That person who inspires me is my grandmother, because she has always been caring, responsible, and faithful in her life.
My grandma is constantly caring for other people around her. Throughout the summer Iâ??ll(change to past tense ex. "I have", if you have done this more than one summer, instead of saying "throughout the summer" say "throughout many a summer") go to Connecticut to visit her and sheâ??ll(change to past tense) always let me stay with her in any case. She has set up a room for me to stay in when I visit. Recently, she moved from a five bed room (bedroom is one word) house to condo. She made sure there was an extra room for me to stay in. When I go to work with her sheâ??s (take away contraction) constantly asking me if Iâ??m (take away contraction) happy and comfortable. Finally, when something important happens in my life she tries her hardest to be here for that certain event. One time she wanted to make sure she would be here, (revise sentence-define "here", and split up the other half and make a new sentence otherwise you will be making a run-on) she bought her plane ticket about seven months in advance! She even drove down here (define "here"--ex. to my house, town, state) because the air fare was extravagant (does not make sense...extravagant in what manner? Would make sense if you said "Extravagantly high or expensive"). My grandma also tries her absolute best to visit me as frequently (does not make sense again...are you using synonyms on word without knowing how to use them in context? ;-) Either take out the as or say "My Grandma also tries her absolute best to visit me as frequently as possible").
My grandma is a very responsible woman too. When I come to stay with here sheâ??ll(take away contraction) always be there at the gate before I even get off the plane. One time my flight was about 40-45 (spell out numbers under 100) minutes early and she was sitting there waiting, I didnâ??t have to wait a minute for her to get there. In my whole life, my grandma has never once elapsed(word does not make sense in context--look up definition and change) a birthday or holiday. Sheâ??ll(take away contraction) call; send cards and/or (do not use slash, just pick one or the other: and - or) presents for all occasions. Amazingly, my grandma has always treated me and my ten cousins equally. When Christmas is here(change to- When christmas has arrived, or when it is christmas time, otherwise the "here" is non-descript), sheâ??ll(take away contraction) try her very best to keep the money spent on us equal. Spending time and showing her love with each of her ten grandchildren is extremely important to her and somehow she manages to spend an equal time with each of us.
Being faithful is an essential trait in a personâ??s life and my grandmother has that trait. Sheâ??ll be at church every Sunday guaranteed. Even in a foreign place, sheâ??ll(take away contraction) somehow manage to discover a church to attend. Anything the weather might bring that day sheâ??ll(take away contraction) try her hardest to attend Church. Sheâ??ll also contribute money to churches, schools, and charities. Once I asked her if she could contribute a few dollars to Relay for Life,(expain shortly what "Relay for Life" is) but she ended up donating 20 dollars. Sheâ??ll (take away contraction) always keep in touch with her friends and family, and sheâ??ll (take away contraction) be honest with them too. My grandma also helps plan our family reunions each summer to make sure sheâ??ll(take away contraction) be able to talk with all her relatives.
My grandmother carries all these traits and more. Thatâ??s (take away contraction) why I love my grandma very much. Hopefully, one day I can resemble her, and have somebody look to me for inspiration the way I look to here (I think you mean her?) for inspiration.
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