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holding onto the past
ok this goes all the way back to 2 years ago. sorry if this is long but it*s pretty important to me. there was this guy (his name was steven) and i realllly liked him! i was in 8th grade @ the time and we were supposed to go to the 8th grade dance together, we liked each other but weren*t in a relationship (we kind of acted like we were though, and both of us had told each other that we liked each other). so then one day i got an instant message from him saying he didn*t want to go to the dance with me anymore b*c he liked one of my good friends caitlin. i was heartbroken b*c i really had fallen for him (gay sounding .. i know). so i hated him for a while. and eventually i met another guy. he was sweet and gorgeous and everything. but then the first guy (steven) got surgery and my friend MADE me go see him in the hospital. ofcourse i completely fell for him again. i remember leaving trying so hard to tell myself it was nothing but then when he called me later i couldn*t help it. so like a complete bitch i just broke things off with the new guy without even giving him a reason. so me and him grew really close again and what i didn*t know is that my very best friend liked him too. when she told me taht i didn*t know what to do, he assured me he didn*t like her and she promised me that she wanted me to be with him. we finally .. made our relationship "official" or whatever you would want to call it.. and by that point i was completely 100% inlove with him. as soon as we did my best friend turned on me, and ofcourse dragged several of our other friends into it. everything was so gay i got so many prank calls, girls iming me and telling me how much they hated me and i was a horrible person and stuff. i hated it but i always thought i*d have steven to rely back on. well he couldn*t take what people were saying, and dumped me. when we broke up it was mid-summer .. and he promised me that his feelings hadn*t and never would change .. and he knew we would get back together when our relationship was stronger, b*c right now he thought we would have to much of a chance of hurting each other. and like and idiot i beleived him. i followed him all summer long with the idea that he actually cared about me. finally after being walked on and lead on all summer long i finally blew up on him and stuff. that was exactly last summer .. ever since then i haven*t been in a successful relationship .. i haven*t even really been able to care about someone. my self esteem is horrible b*c i*m realizing that the only person i ever really cared about like that cares more what people think about him then what he did of me. i remember what it felt like to be "in love" and i would do anything for it again .. but i don*t even feel like i*m worth it anymore.
sorry that i wrote so much but that*s something that bothers me everyday. if you have aim IM me on kRaZi BoUt 80z if you have time b*c i think you have really good advice and i*d like to really talk to you and stuff. thanks so much <33
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hey sweetpea!Thanks so much for the compliment,that feels good to hear!I think we may have talked before cuz your IM name sounds VERY familiar! Ok,first of all you have absolutely NO reason at ALL to feel that you aren't worthy of being loved and being in a real and good relationship.Right now that's just your still unhealed heart telling you that.I've been down this road before,and I know exactly how you're feeling.It's like no matter how hard you try to get interested in another guy,your heart and some unexplainable feeling inside of you just won't let you let go of that past guy.First loves are a BITCH to get over-plain and simple! Ok,it sounds like this Steven likes to think he's a player when in all actuality we're talking about a LITTLE BOY here.He thought he was sooo smooth by dumping you for your friend(who by the way is SO not your friend!A true friend doesn't hurt their friends like that,so she needs to go-if she hasn't already!).Then "romeo" used the sympathy ploy to sweet talk his way back into your heart-because he knew he could. He probably saw this other guy you were seeing as a threat.Cuz,if you were seeing another guy then his chance to just call you up whenever he wanted or just get back with you whenever he wanted became basically non-existant!So he's thinkin,hey I've got to get her to get this guy outta here!Ya know?
As for this "very best friend"...yea-she obviously had alterior motives.A tried and true best friend would never just say to her bff "hey i like your crush/boyfriend"!If she was going to do that she should've been prepared to sit down and talk this out with you rather than just vocalizing her feelings and leaving it at that.The fact that she drug all those other girls into it says to me that she can't fight her own battles on her own,and is really just a chicken!I wouldn't worry myself about the calls and the IM's.That's just so juvenile,and it shows her true colors.You can always block IM's and not answer the phone if you don't recognize the number so you can avoid the dramafest ;).It wouldn't surprise me one bit to find out that Steven was behind all that too.What a lame reason to break up with someone!Sounds to me like he was just looking for an easy out and he knew all the right words to say to you JUST INCASE he wanted to hook back up with you in the future!He really isn't worth all the hurt sweetie!
I wouldn't give any of these people the time of day!I know that right now you feel like you'll never meet a guy who hugs you like he did,or who makes you laugh like he did.But you know what,you WILL!Only this time he'll be BETTER than that guy!And so when Steven comes back and wants to get back with you,here's your chance to turn HIM down!!I find that love comes when you least expect it.Who knows,you may date several guys over the next couple years who won't work out.But you know what,that's all just practice for when you do meet that right guy.You're really young and you've got a LOT of experiences ahead of you.I feel that the second you stop looking for love and stop being in love with the idea of "being in love",it'll happen.
So hang out with your friends and have fun,maybe get a part time job if you don't already have one.When school starts up again,get involved in some clubs and programs.You'd be amazed how much guys start to notice you when you're busy and havin fun and enjoying life.
So hunnie,keep smilin and keep that head up!!You're so worth it,and those other people,are so NOT! ;) If you ever wanna talk to me,catch me on AIM @ AnGeLbAbY51529! I hope I helped you out in SOME way!!! :)
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