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Poem
This poem. Needs help. it didn't come out right. Suggestions?
I saw you tonight
For the first time in what had felt like years
Sweat dripped off your body
And I realized what I had lost
I had loved
And you had pitied
But you had forgotten
What I could not
With you standing so close
It drove me crazy
I miss you I cried
But I don’t miss your lies
I wont forget you
Even if you’ve already forgotten me
Don’t pity me
I’m fine.
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hey, i think your poem is really good. it may need some help with the flow at some points, but its really great.
I saw you tonight
For the first time
Felt like years.
And I realized what I had lost
What I had loved,
And you had pitied
But you had forgotten
What I could not
With you standing so close
It drove me crazy
I miss you I cried
But I don’t miss your lies
I wont forget you
Even if you’ve already forgotten me
Don’t pity me
I’m fine.
keep writing, you got something!
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"Sweat dripped off your body" doesn't seem to fit. If you took that out, (and make a few mionr changes)it would be:
I saw you tonight
For the first time
In what had felt like years
I realized what I had lost
I had loved
And you had pitied
But you had forgotten
What I could not
With you standing so close
It drove me crazy
I miss you I cried
But I don’t miss your lies
I wont forget you
Even if you’ve already forgotten me
Don’t pity me
I’m fine.
Other then that minor detal, I thought it was a great poem. I feel kinda weird about changing someone elses poem, though, but that's just my opinion. I thought it was a beutiful poem. Keep up the great work.
~IceAngel13
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i had forgotten you ever since we left eachother
then i saw you..for what had seemed like forever
i watched you look pasted me
and remembered when you you looked pasted everybody but me
then my heart dropped a thousand feet
and i needed to take a seat
i thought about it for a long time
and i've come to a conclusion that i miss you more than ever
in one second i realized i liked you again
then in a minute..i realized i loved you for a second time
and i hope you will know..even if you never like me again..it will take a lifetime for me to forget you
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It is an AMAZING poem. At first I thought you spelled Pitied wrong, but then I realized you didn't. So it's fine. I have no suggestions. =) other than keep writing awesome poems.
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