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social behavior
Hello again, Cailoisa. I wanted to personally thank you for responding to my earlier question a few days ago.
At that time, I rated you a four. I found you very insightful and compassionate. But then I thought more about the insights you had offered. I also compared your response to me with what other advice columnists had written. I soon realized I had to upgrade you to a five.
Cailoisa, your insights and suggestions were absolutely the very best advice I have ever received on my topic of concern. No other advice columnist, counselor, psychologist, or professional has ever given me such wise, sensitive, compassionate, accommodating, and human advice! You get a five--but I intend it as a 25. I think you are awesome!
Because of your flexible and wise advice, I would like to follow up with you on a question, if I may.
I'm the guy who wrote about the problem with his girlfriend having the erotic fetish of always placing her hand over my mouth in public. While I enjoy this erotic tactility in private, I was finding it awkward to deal with in public, even as she was deriving a great thrill from it.
Other advice columnists were harsh and derided me and her for the erotic fetish. No one really had a sound solution to dealing with it. Some advocated eliminating the fetish altogether, which isn't the issue. But only you were sensitive and accommodating to the fetish, and I thank you for being so flexible and open-minded.
You advocated helping her find other outlets for her hand-over-mouth fetish. That is a fantastic and excellent idea I had never thought of! You intrigue me with your insightful suggestion. I am happy you seem to want to curb or re-channel the fetish in public, to re-direct it, not eliminate it entirely.
My question: Can you suggest some ideas or ways in which she can re-focus her hand fetish so as not to be doing it so publicly? Is there a balancing compromise that will allow her to still have the handgag fetish but to do it in another form or place as an outlet for her compulsive need to do it publicly? Any help would be appreciated! Thanks for being THE VERY BEST, Cailoisa! (See ADDITIONAL INFO.)
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I've been trying to think of something that would work, but I haven't come up with anything great. I think building on your idea of allowing hand-gagging in semi-public places is a great idea. If she really likes doing it in front of people, perhaps you might find a sympathetic friend to go out with, or have over sometimes.
I've been trying to think of a "replacement" thing that she could do in very public settings. I'm sure that it would be something that keeps her hands on you, but I haven't thought of anything definate.
I do feel that she should continue this behavior, since you both seem to enjoy it. I think you're right that cutting it out entirely is not a solution.
I have some thoughts for a temporary solution. I could be wrong, but it seems to be a dominance fetish. Perhaps allowing her something subtle in public, like "leading" by a loose bracelet around your wrist. Maybe when she really feels the urge, you could sneak off to a slightly more secluded place.
If she's open about it, the two of you might be able to brainstorm what ideas might work best for you.
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond, and I will definately keep your concern in mind. I will respond to you again if I could think of anything more helpful. I hope that you both find something that works out good for you. If you feel like you need to bounce ideas off somebody: theysayhi (at) aol.com
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