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Lost in the Middle
Well, i hope you can help me with this.....
I am a teenager who dates an older guy. Almost twice my age. But he's faithful because he's old enough to have been there and done things. He appreciates everything i do and encourages me to go to school and when i said I wanted kids, he said he wouldn't have sex with me so I wouldn't get pregnant.
Now, there's this other guy who's recently come back into my life since he's moved closer to me. He's only 3 years older, and he's the type of guy that if he doesn't like you, he won't talk to you at all. But he still calls me and wants to come over. He's dated my cousin but wants nothing to do with her anymore. He brushes her off to go with me.
But I don't know which one to pick. I love them both the same, but i just don't know... I don't want to cheat, even though I've done it before.
Could you help maybe bring some new ideas to my head? Who would you suggest I be with?
Thanks in advance:)
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First of all, I just wanna say how much it rocks to see someone typing a sensible question and using proper grammar and spelling, lol. We're discussing this LOADS on the moderator boards at the moment, and it seems everyone has a little bit of a pet peeve for people who are in your situation but put it forward like this : OOOOOOMFG LOL LOL LOL i like luv luv ma boi but hes like well old so yeah shud i go out wiv sum1 else like dis guy i lik?
So yeah, thanks for rocking and writing something I can read :D
Anyway, your question:
Just because a guy is older doesn't mean he is more faithful. Yeah, he probably knows how much being unfaithful could hurt someone more than another teenager, but grown men have as many affairs as teenage boys two time.
However, it's really good that he still wants you to go to school and won't have sex with you. I won't say be careful, because I'm sure you have done/will do hear enough of that from your family and friends, but I will say: don't be blinded by the fact that he is older and more mature. That doesn't stop him being a jerk like the rest of the male population sometimes are :P
Now, this older guy will probably treat you with a lot of respect because A. he doesn't want to be seen as a pervert and B. he can look back and remember how much it sucked to be treated like a kid when you are actually a young adult. However, you might have a lot of trouble with your family over this guy and his age, so watch out for that, but remember that in the end you can't let other people tell you how to live your life. You have to make your own choices and, regretably, mistakes sometimes too.
The other guy...well, don't just go out with him because he is younger and therefore someone who you 'should' be going out with, by society's standards. Sorry to use a cliché, but Jane Eyre conformed to society's standards for a long time and it got her nothing but misery. Although you sometimes have to do what is right instead of what you want, I believe that, in this case, what is right is following your heart. Don't worry about what other people will think of your relationship (e.g. relatives over partner 1, or your cousin over partner 2).
Although not talking at ALL to someone he doesn't like may seem a little extreme, I guess at least you will always know where you stand with him. Then again, if you're the sort of person who likes to stay friends after a break-up, he might not be the best choice for you.
As a younger guy, he could provide you with a more fun relationship. That doesn't mean that it won't have it's serious moments - that's something you have to think about yourself. If you think that he is the sort of person you could have a serious relationship with, then he sounds pretty good to me, because he will also probably be more fun to be around. Your relationship with the guy you are with now is probably much more mature (sorry, I'm assuming here, I don't really know. I could be talking utter rubbish and the guy you are with now could be more fun than your cousin's ex). You've gotta ask yourself if, right now, fun is more important to you than having a mature relationship. Remember that you're still really young and you have plenty of time for serious relationships - I personally think you should be having fun. Then again, if the guy you are with now is fun then there is no issue there.
I don't want to sound mean here, but it's something you have to consider - you can't really love the man you are currently with if you are considering leaving him. You really need to question WHY you would like to leave him and see if they are problems that could be remedied. Also, remember - never stay with someone because you are scared you won't find anyone else. It might be a good idea to write a list of the reasons to stay with and the reasons to leave this man.
If you do split up with the man you are currently with, I suggest that you leave it a while before going out with anyone else, just to make sure that you're not just filling up the last boyfriend's 'space', so to speak.
I can't honestly tell you who I would pick because I don't know either guy, or you. Besides, even if I did I wouldn't tell you because it should be your choice - I don't want to influence your free will :)
Good luck, and I hope I helped!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx
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