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Hm.. I need some more help.
Once again, this is about my boyfriend.
Here's some background.
- We've been dating for 6 months now.
- Had some trouble in the past. [ Me having thoughts about leaving him]
- I usually get in moods where I snap at him.
- and he swears he'll never leave me.
But, here's my problem. I seem to be depending on that statement, [ He'll never leave me ] and it let's me feel free to treat him badly. But! I don't think that in my mind, but I know that's the way it comes off to other people.
Here's a background on him
- He's very sweet, always trying to make me happy.
- He's failing a few classes.
- Overall, a happy person.
But since he's failing a class or two he's living like it's the end of the world. He seems to be.. depressed I'm guessing is the word.
I don't want to depend on the statement of him not leaving me, because I cannot promise him the same. The reason I can't because I'm a very undecided person. In my mind I know that I can't leave him, never ever. But my actions prove me wrong. I snapped at him today for not giving my paper back, and while this was going on I know what i was doing was stupid and I shouldn't of gotten mad, but I did anyway.. I know inside it hurts him alot to hear me get upset, and makes him more upset when I get mad at him.
Background on me.
- I overall pretty nice girl
- snapps normally.. i'm like on perminate PMS or something.
- I promise him all the time I'll change and not be so RAWRR
- Gets upset and emotional about alot of things.
- can be selfish. <-- that is my big thing in this question
I guess my question is, is there any advice you could do to help me realize my faults, and help me change them before I screw over our whole relationship.. I'm desparate.
Retro_Romance.
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Ah ha! Hi there Retro!
First of all, I do not think you are being selfish at all. I'm not getting even a teeny bit from this letter. What I AM getting is that you are suffering from an overdose of sugar. By this I mean that your boyfriend is not providing you with any challenge whatsoever. He sounds like a wonderful guy. He really does. However, most people like to be around people who make them feel good about themselves.
What it sounds as if you are doing is challenging HIM because he won't challenge YOU. And you may need a little bit of that in your life. That's perfectly normal. It doesn't make you a bitch, it doesn't mean you are selfish. You are just setting him up a little, subconsciously, trying to get a rise out of him. When it doesn't work and HE ends up feeling bad, it makes YOU feel like the rotten one. There are a few things that I feel your boyfriend is doing also. He is not being honest with you. He is not being honest with himself. And you are sensing that in a powerful way and giving him every single opportunity to say what he feels. He's not biting.
I think he's pretty content in this power struggle. And it IS a power struggle. And believe it or not, you're not winning. He is. To break out of this, he needs to start standing up to you so you can learn to respect him more. Because trust me, the first guy that comes along who DOES stand up to you and doesn't let you get away with crap is the guy you are going to fall for. So, not only does the responsibility fall on your shoulders to help him be more honest with you, but it also falls on him in a big way. Oh, by the way, when he is trying to learn how to trust you enough to be honest with his feelings, please try to be a good steward of that trust.
I have complete faith in you. Good luck!
Linda
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