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what the hell!!!!


Question Posted Sunday January 9 2005, 5:52 pm

ok, well im 14 and ive never had a boyfriend. all my friends have had or have a boyfriend. im not ugly, and im really nice and stuf like that. i mean what do i have to do? i dont want to change my personality, and i dont want to be a slut. what should i do???

[ Answer this question ]
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


dolphinlover answered Sunday January 9 2005, 9:06 pm:
Hmm, well, I'm not the best with relationship advice. However, I will say that you really shouldn't sweat it. You don't want to change yourself, and that is good. But why do you want to be like everyone else, supposedly having a boyfriend? It's a good question, and I have some reasons why you would want to refrain from getting a "trophy boyfriend".

Most of the ones you would get into at your age will just end up failing anyways. Do you really expect to find a life-long partner, your soulmate, when you're just barely in high school? Once you get out of high school and you're with people who are on parallel paths with yourself, you'll be able to find someone with common interests and dating will make sense. As of right now, everyone is on divergent paths. When you graduate high school, you'll go different places. When you graduate college, you'll go different places. There's just too much instability at this point in your life to realistically try to "settle down" with someone.

There are many people out there who do not date until very late in high school. They don't want to have to deal with the stress and anxiety of pleasing a significant other. Your friends accept you for who you are, but when you date someone there is pressure to impress the person.

The only benefit to yourself would be to get some experience with males in a romantic fashion, but keep in mind that the ones at your age have not gone through a significant portion of adolescence and that they can drastically change as they get older. If you come across someone you actually like, go ahead and get to know him better through friendship, and if he is someone you like hanging around, it may be up to you to make the first move and ask him if he wants to do something sometime. At this age, many people are not interested in dating for reasons I've listed above.


You needn't force yourself into a relationship just because everyone else has been in one. I know that peer pressure can be suffocating, but if you date someone, the reasons need to be your own. As they are fond of saying at spacefem.com, "thou shalt not need a boyfriend". :)

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