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I'll try to get all the details. So, since me and my ex broke up as you know, I've made my fair share of drunken mistakes. I'm quite sick of it. I feel like the only way to stay far away from assholes is if I have a nice guy who gives me a reason to stay faithfull. That's where my problem starts.
My male roommate's name is Josh. He had a friend over to one of our drunken get-togethers a while ago. This friend was very shy, but he seems very nice. I would like to get to know him. Perhaps just for the friendship. The problem is that I am also extremely shy. Even more so when I'm not talking online.
Here's a few things I know about the guy, that make me want to get to know him more. Firstly, he's into art. I've seen a few things that he's done, and while I wasn't really interested in them, it's still cool that he's at least into art. Also, he mentioned trying to fix up an El Camino once. Although it never got fixed, El Camino's are cool. Or at least they look cool. :) Other than his name, that's really all I know about him.
Well, that's not true. I do know more. My female roommate, has told me that he hasn't had a girlfriend in a while and he doesn't enjoy drinking very much. I talk to her about him, and have asked her to tell my guy roommate, who is her boyfriend, to invite him over each time we drink and hang out.
But he never does. He tells her it's because the guy is shy and doesn't like drinking very much. But I feel like these are just excuses. I can't help but think that Josh does not invite him over because he knows I am interested in getting to know him, and he thinks I'm no good because of the mistakes that I have already made in my life. I always imagine that people think the worst of me, but I'm not sure if it's true. Things are awkward between me and my guy roommate, and we never have conversations about these kind of situations.
Now, here's on to the advice question that I set out to ask in the first place.
After reading all that, I need help from you to over come my shyness and try to get to know a shy guy. Coming from a shy guy yourself. I'm not sure if this guy will ever come here again, but if he does, then I want to know how to talk to someone who doesn't particularly enjoy drinking and who is very shy. I was thinking of getting his email address. I do better online than on the phone. I come off as an even bigger bitch on the phone than I do online, if that is at all possible.
Of course this does mean that I wont be able to get wasted like I normally do.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
It is definitely possible that those are just excuses, but it's more likely that he simply doesn't like to go to parties with a lot of drinking if he doesn't like to drink very much. Trust me, I have friends of all kinds. The ones who "don't drink very often" are often found ducking out of parties with a lot of drinking. And I doubt people think the worst of you, everyone remembers what people dislike about them moreso than what people like. And since your so shy, you never find out what people are really thinking.
That's the problem with us shy people. Coincidences occur, and we assume the worst. On my part, I've found out (through being fed up with everyone seemingly against me) that it's rarely the case. Everyone's so involved with themselves that they probably wouldn't even fathom making a fool of/back stabbing/ lying to me.
As for getting to know him, I doubt a party is a good place to do it. He's extremely uncomfortable and your drunk, neither of you will find out much and won't get any closer. Since the art thing is all we have to go on, try finding something art related to invite him to. Maybe an exibit, or museum, or something. Car talks are generally boring, and you can't expand much on them. Well, at least I can't. You can start with art as a topic and expand on it. Ask him about the basics, school, work, hobbies, etc. When I keep a constant eye contact when I'm listening, people almost always tell me all sorts of private things. i'm not quite sure if that would work with you, could be just me. Some of my casual, shy friends have shocked me by just pouring out to me. So, constantly look in his eyes. It might be hard because your shy, and I used to have a problem with it, but I've finally trained myself to do it.
As for inviting him, what do you know about him? Do you know what classes he's taking if he's in school, where he works, anything? If so, you can "accidently" run into him. I've done that recently with this girl I have a crush on. Coming up with what to say should be easy, just tell him you knew he was interested in art and that you wondered if he wanted to see whatever display is up. Something to that effect. What else? Well, really I'd rather talk to you if you need anything else or if I'm missing something. So I'll just talk to you the next time you're online. Sorry about the massive paragraph. I asked the admin about it but she ignored my question.
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