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Illicit
My love for summer snow is getting a tad out of hand.. Really out of hand.
I'm too ashamed to tell my parents, so no help from them. They don't suspect much seeing how I have my own job, so it's my money I spend.
But lately it seems like what I make isn't enough to keep up with the habit. I started selling some of my shit, needless crap, just pawning it off for not much at all. I don't mean jewelry or anything, more like CDs and that crap. But dipping into my dad's wallet is sounding more and more appealing.
And to avoid the come down (it feels like your heart is literally going to explode), I'll either do more or drink or down night quill, or if I'm lucky I would have gotten my hands on some xanax to pop.
It's starting to take a toll on me physically, I haven't been able to stomach much food for like the past two weeks or so. I have bronchitis and it's the middle of the summer. I don't sleep often, my cheeks are kind of sunken. And my mother is becoming concerned with my weight lose, because she knows I'm not active in any sports.
Yeah.. I don't keep doing this.. But I don't know where to even begin in stopping. It's extremely, extremely, extremely hard for me to even go a day without a few bumps. I didn't think it could get like this, I'll sometimes even do a bump without really realizing what I'm doing, it's just become routine. I don't know. I don't know.
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This is something critical, and I know you'll hate to hear this but you really need to seek help for this. Addictions are a very serious problem, because it never gets better - it can only get worse with each passing day that you don't get help for it. What's going to happen when you have pawned everything, and you've got nothing left? What will you start doing just to get another high? You don't want to ruin your life this way, and I really hate to use a cliche here - but the first and hardest step is admitting that you have an addiction to this. If you don't see anyone about this (and I hate to be this forward but it needs to be done) you could wind up dead, and where would that leave all of the people that love you? Look - your parents love you, and if you tell them about it they'll just want to help you. Sure, they'll probably be disappointed, but you're their child, and your welfare is the most important thing to them whether or not it seems like it at times. So please for your well being and others, seek help from a professional.
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