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I know I love you now.
Its your eyes,
Sparkling as you laugh,
Watch me trip and fall.
I can see you.
And your gaze,
Your gaze ...
Maybe it`s how my stomach flips
When your hands brush mine.
Or how my brain goes numb,
And I can`t talk right ...
You make me feel like an
Idiot and a goddess at the same time
Maybe it`s how you bring me up;
You make me laugh, be happy my girl,
Be happy. Let me see your smile
My heart is beating, beating
But I am still bleeding.
And I know you`d never do that.
He doesn`t know ... I cried.
You are my angel.
But I must tear away,
I`m not allowed ...
Oh, Your Gaze.
-- okay me n my friend make stuff like this up. we had a fight about the several subjects in it and oh beep beep head it was tough for us .. and stuff but now we`re best best friends and she thought it was good but i dno..
opinions??
thank sOo muchh!
xox-elle
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Want to answer more questions in the Hobbies category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Music?
Humm, the poem itself shows a good grasp of structure and form, but to be honest, the content doesn't exactly move me to tell you its amazing. Its a bit rambling, and the last few stanzas kind of ruin the mood for me.
To be hoest, this subject matter has been done so many times, it's hard to bring a fresh angle to it. But overall I would say you and your mate show promis, keep working at it, and try to explore other subject matter. A good excersise is to take somthing really mundane, like making a cup of tea, and turn it into poetry :)
good luck, and keep writing :)
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