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NO ORGASM FOR OVER 3 YRS
Hello - I am a 43 yr. old female and my husband is a 33 year old male. Here we go: I have never had an orgasm with my husband of over three years. This man treats me like a queen and has truly tried pretty much everything to help me reach an orgasm to no avail. I truly do understand that "sex" in not all that there is to a marriage but it does seem to me like it is a very important part of marriage. I have had two other serious relationships where I lived with my partner even though we weren't married and have always enjoyed a very active, satisfying sex life so I am very puzzled as to why I cannot seem to have an orgasm with this man. Obviously I am very sexually frustrated at this point to say the least! Since I do not have an orgasm I find that we have gotten to the point where we do not even make love at all anymore, yet this wonderful man chooses to stay with me and love me. I do have panic/anxiety attacks and had thought at one time that the medication that I was taking was maybe interfering with my ability to have an orgasm, however, I was taking this same medication when I was with my ex-fiance and never had this problem. By the way I have talked to my physician and she assures me that the medication that I am taking causes the "least" amount of sexual side effects and offers me no other advice. I honestly do not even "feel" anything sexually awakening in my entire body even when we are totally naked laying with each other. I don't even like the thought of having intercourse with him. As the old saying goes I really do think that I do love this man but am not "in love" with him. He and I are wonderful friends and work well together in this relationship as far as with the finances, home, taking care of one another both emotionally and physically, but I just feel like this is almost more of a "friendship thing" and not a "marriage thing". I also feel very guilty because I think that he should be sexually satisfied - he is still a young man with needs and I am just not fulfilling them. But in all honesty, I am just not into him sexually. I wonder if I should just let this marriage go and let him be free to find happiness elsewhere as he deserves thus freeing myself to pursue possible happiness also. I feel secure in my relationship, but that's about it, I do not feel fulfilled as a woman, nor do I even look forward to him coming home, you know that little feeling you get when you are really into someone and you just can't wait to see them again? - Like I said before: I am just not "feeling" him if you know what I mean. I realized this was a problem a long time ago and I guess I just kept hoping that the sexual part would somehow just magically remedy itself one day, but now I am realizing that it is just not going to happen. I am 43 years old and maybe I am a little scared also of what might come next. Yes maybe the next man may satisfy me sexually, but he might not have all of the positive qualities that the man I am married to does. Besides treating me like a queen in every way, he a very hard worker, does not have a drug problem (and believe me I have had to put up with that in past relationships that caused nothing but major problems not to mention way too many sleepless nights of wondering if that person was ok and not even worrying about my own safety when it came to going out driving around looking for them and ultimately when finding them kicking in the door to many "crack houses" that I now know I could have been killed doing - and eventually a mental/physical breakdown that I refuse to go through again with any man!)and my husband does not ever do the "dissapearing act", where I don't know where he is. He honestly causes me no worried whatsoever. I do believe that is why I keep trying to hang in there - he does bring peace to my life - but yet still I always feel that something is missing - and it is!I have rambled on and on - just alot going through my mind and coming out through my fingers onto this keyboard. It's just that I feel in my soul that this is not a healthy life I am living and I often just sit and cry wondering if this is how I am going to live out my life - and then I just pull myself together thinking how much worse things could be. I thank the Lord everyday for my life in general and have prayed alot about this situation and I don't think that He would mind me getting someone elses opinion/advice - smile. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to "vent". Any suggestions/comments/advice would be much appreciated. Thank You. Signed ~Sexually Frustrated!
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You know, I sympathize with you but I'm REALLY wondering if you think he's "too good" for you. Judging by your description of your past relationships, you may feel that he's too good. Now how does that bleed over into the sexual arena? Well, it very well could be that the "bad nature" of the guys you have been accustomed to dating is what really turned you on about them, without your present husband possessing that "quality", you may feel less connected to him in that manner and HIS bad nature is what may be "missing". You feel the need to do the "right" thing, live the right life, etc etc, and actually, that's leaving you resentful. It also sounds to me like you really want out of the marriage and know it's going to make you look like the villian, so you're trying to find autruistic means of doing it, " He deserves better, he desereves a good sex life, etc, etc ". You're going to have to admit that you miss the "action" and "drama" that was present in your past relationships. Sit down and talk to your husband about it. Tell him what the real problem is, how it's leaving you, and how it's affecting your relationship with him. Tell him above all, what you REALLY want. If it's your marriage with him, tell him, if you think it's not, you need to tell him that, too. I would really like to know if you still masturbate. If so, are you capable of having an orgasm in that manner. If oyu can, what are you doing THEN that you're not doing with the husband? What's going through your head? Talk it over with him, and try to implement some of the things that you do while ou masturbate. If you don't masturbate, maybe you should start. Get your body accustomed to reaching a climax again and simply knowing that you're capable will relieve alot of the tension you feel when you're with him. I'm sure you are probably at the point now where you start a love-making session with the thought that you AREN'T going to orgasm, already in your head. That only adds to the tension and anxiety. If you're that tense, you'll never orgasm. I'd love to discuss this more but I only have so much info availed to me.Don't thank me for allowing you to vent, thats why I'm here, you're no bother. If you and your husband like, feel free to use the address on here to write me personally, so you don't have to post it in the forum. In either regard, please send me a follow up and let me know how things are going....or.... "coming". Sorry, I had to :) Good luck to you both.
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