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Needing more than a child's view point but an adult answer
i have been talking to guy online for like a year now. we started off as friends... We weren't looking for anyone because we were both getting over long term relationships. Mine wasn't as long as his but the pain was simular. Well guess its best to just explain. I the guy I was dating wasn't making me happy i found i was more miserable than happy. but I have a child by him and we were still in the same household as roommates.....And the guy knew this that I started talking to and said he understood it and was cool with it.....Well, he had just got out of a 13 year relationship with his high school sweetheart. The have two kids which he has custody of and she left him....Well i was okay with this fact because we were just talking as friends. So as time went by we decided that we were both wanting to be more than friends so we started a relationship..We are not in the same state i might add. Well we have always said we would make sure the relationship wouldn't have a negative relationship on the kids. Well, anyways him and my ex aren't the best of friends.... and since my ex was here with me he decided to give me time to see if me and my ex would get back together. After 2 months that didn't happen. it was hard not talking to him. I found myself really unhappy and alone. but it was left up to God when I would talk to him next. Well one day I called after the 2 months and he answered. we realize that time hadn't changed our feelings towards one another and we continued our relationship. well here we are 4 months later and he tells me he is unsure of his feelings. He can't understand how he can love me and still have feelings towards his ex wife. he feels that they should go away completely....I told him i don't think that will ever happen. He just has to figure which feel is stronger. Well he said he thinks he has to get up and walk way from his relationship to me until he figures it. Or until his feelings for her dies. Because he is afraid that our relationship will end like theirs did. and it doesn't help that I told him i loved him 4 days ago. after he made a statement saying that when your in love that you shouldn't have any worries and asked if i thought he had any and i said no. well then he told me when i said that i loved him that we was afraid of letting himself love me because he's afraid of getting hurt. I am like was you trying to tell me something he is like i don't know maybe.....So now i am like am i suppose to wait on him if i love him for him to figure out if he's going to listen to his heart(me) or his mind(her and me)....He says he torn between to women he feels like. Am I at a lost and should I give up on love or let this love find its way aback to me again it did once should I think it will again? please help me understand this....
lostamongsttheroses
okay i have to update this a little we got back together tonight....He said he doesn't want to lose me and that he couldn't not handle losing me after all the time we have spent as friends leading up to our relationship. And he doesn't think he can give up on us because of his ex. He is scared he said of the "LOVE" word he said he should be happy but he doesn't know why hearing it doesn't make him happy like it should. He doesn't want to lead me on. And he feels with me saying it he is leading me on by not feeling the same way. I am at a lost at understanding all this please can someone help me understand or make some kind of since out of this is it a good thing that he didn't wait time coming back to me or is it bad and does he love me and just afraid of admitting to himself that he has feelings for me.....i have only said i love you once.
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You say you are in different states, but it sounds like you have had close personal contact, and visited each other. I am not sure from reading this.
Here is what I think, although I know I don't have the whole picture. I think he has two women, his "ex-wife" (who I wonder if she really is an "ex") and you. This is kind of common. There are guys on the internet who will tell you they have left their wife or girlfriend, then later say they can't get over her. It reality, the "ex" never even knew they were an "ex" and the guy "left." They only know the guy was spending a lot of time on-line.
I personally think you should give up on him. I think he is stringing you along. Even if he suddenly realizes he has to make a choice and you are it, how can you trust him wondering if he left someone for you? I would always wonder when he was going to start looking around for the next one.
I tend to be distrustful of internet romances because it is too easy to be dishonest. I know it is impossible to get his "ex's" side of the story to know for sure what the situation is, but it really sounds like he has two women at once.
Even if this is not the fact, and he really has left his ex-wife, you are in two different states, and she has a big advantage over you. She is right there, and you aren't. He has also tried to say that he doesn't "love" you, but he still just wants you around.
I would start looking elsewhere. It sounds like you and your own "ex" have really ended your relationship. I would try to meet someone outside of on-line if you can (although I don't know of many good places to meet decent single men.) If you do meet someone else on-line, be sure he is close enough physically that you can see each other, and know for sure he is not in another relationship that he is hiding.
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