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needing to cope
i have been talking to guy online for like a year now. we started off as friends... We weren't looking for anyone because we were both getting over long term relationships. Mine wasn't as long as his but the pain was simular. Well guess its best to just explain. I the guy I was dating wasn't making me happy i found i was more miserable than happy. but I have a child by him and we were still in the same household as roommates.....And the guy knew this that I started talking to and said he understood it and was cool with it.....Well, he had just got out of a 13 year relationship with his high school sweetheart. The have two kids which he has custody of and she left him....Well i was okay with this fact because we were just talking as friends. So as time went by we decided that we were both wanting to be more than friends so we started a relationship..We are not in the same state i might add. Well we have always said we would make sure the relationship wouldn't have a negative relationship on the kids. Well, anyways him and my ex aren't the best of friends.... and since my ex was here with me he decided to give me time to see if me and my ex would get back together. After 2 months that didn't happen. it was hard not talking to him. I found myself really unhappy and alone. but it was left up to God when I would talk to him next. Well one day I called after the 2 months and he answered. we realize that time hadn't changed our feelings towards one another and we continued our relationship. well here we are 4 months later and he tells me he is unsure of his feelings. He can't understand how he can love me and still have feelings towards his ex wife. he feels that they should go away completely....I told him i don't think that will ever happen. He just has to figure which feel is stronger. Well he said he thinks he has to get up and walk way from his relationship to me until he figures it. Or until his feelings for her dies. Because he is afraid that our relationship will end like theirs did. and it doesn't help that I told him i loved him 4 days ago. after he made a statement saying that when your in love that you shouldn't have any worries and asked if i thought he had any and i said no. well then he told me when i said that i loved him that we was afraid of letting himself love me because he's afraid of getting hurt. I am like was you trying to tell me something he is like i don't know maybe.....So now i am like am i suppose to wait on him if i love him for him to figure out if he's going to listen to his heart(me) or his mind(her and me)....He says he torn between to women he feels like. Am I at a lost and should I give up on love or let this love find its way aback to me again it did once should I think it will again? please help me understand this....
lostamongsttheroses
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You don't actually say how long you have been waiting for him to make up his mind. I would leave it for a fourtnight and ask him again. You have to think of your future and your child's future, and the practical implications of having a relationship with this man, especially if it is online at the moment and he lives in another state. If he asks for more time after the fourtnight then I would move on with your life. Maybe not give up completly, but don't let your life lie unattended waiting for him.
Good luck :)
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i am not saying u should wait for him your whole life because he may never get over his ex when u love someone that love don't go away for some people no matter what happened in their relationship he will aways love her and he needs to know that. but it doesn't mean if he love his ex he should be with her. he wants to be with u but he feels that it isn't right that he love two women. let him know your cool with it and u won't hold it against him. ut if he still needs more time give him some space but after a couple of weeks or months u need to start dating other people just in case he don't come back.
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